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Sunday, May 07, 2006

"Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" review

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)

Directed by Fred Olen Ray
Writing credits T.L. Lankford Fred Olen Ray

Gunnar Hansen.... The Stranger
Linnea Quigley.... Samantha
Jay Richardson.... Jack Chandler
Dawn Wildsmith.... Lori
Michelle Bauer.... Mercedes (as Michelle McLellan)

All B-movie fans should see this movie. Even if you can't make it through the whole thing, the best scene is in the first ten minutes. Michelle Bauer strips while dancing to Elvis. She gets her room ready for some chainsaw action while naked. She's putting plastic sheeting over her Elvis painting, putting on a shower cap so she doesn't get blood in her hair, etc. See Michelle's naked body drenched in blood while she's holding a chainsaw! B-movie nirvana!

Michelle Bauer and Linnea Quigley make this movie happen. Bauer has an unbelievably tight body. I could watch that strip scene over and over. OK, I admit it. I have watched it over and over. Mmmm...Hookers chainsawing. And I don't know what it is about Linnea Quigley. She has got this great body with this innocent little face. It works. Her dance of the two chainsaws at the end is another highlight. The outfit she wore during her dance is something special. They both get naked in the flick as do a number of other women. You can't go wrong. OK, sure. They may not be the greatest actresses in the world. So what? They get an A+ in my book for getting into the swing of things and embracing the art of being a Chainsaw Hooker.

The detective, (Jay Richardson), who was investigating the chainsaw murders had some funny lines. The best line? Michelle and the detective are at a bar. She says, "Jack? I'm going to f**k your brains out." The Detective thinks to himself: "I didn't like the sound of that."

If you like B-movies about hookers with chainsaws, you've got to see this flick!

SCORE: 3 out of 4 chainsaw hookers

4 comments:

Michael Whiteacre said...

This is a really enjoyable movie. There's something just a little bit "off" in nearly every scene, a strange detachment -- maybe the takes each run a little long or something, I haven't seen it in a while -- but it works beautifully. It's like the Repo Man of exploitation horror T &A. Fred Olen Ray, who's an awesome guy, once told me that when he shot the scene of Michelle dancing, he played "Won't You Wear My Ring Around Your Neck" so she had something to dance to. Of course, he couldn't afford to use an actual Elvis song on the soundtrack, so he replaced it, yet you can still see Michelle pantomiming to the original song in the scene.

Dr. Gore (drgore@hotmail.com) said...

"Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" embodies everything that is good about B-movies. It's funny, has some hot babes and is cheaply entertaining. What USA Up All Night movies are all about. I have watched that Bauer chainsaw scene numerous times and you've just given me a reason to watch it again. Viva the Chainsaw Hookers!

Michael Whiteacre said...

I loved USA Up All Night. I was in love with Rhonda Shear. It used to drive my wife (now ex-wife) crazy, or at least she got sick of losing her Friday nights to the show. That show was where I first saw many of these flicks. When I moved to LA, I got Femme Fatales to let me do a piece on Rhonda and the show. They weren't big on having reporters on set (the Production Group on Vine Street), but I interviewed the show's producer for the piece, which apparently no one else ever thought to do, and suddenly I had an open invitation! Rhonda congratulated me on my tactics, and rewarded me by featuring copies of the magazine throughout the show they were taping during my first visit: a lingerie slumber party featuring Melissa Moore, Darcy DeMoss, Suzie Owens and others! I actually appeared on the last episode taped in LA. As for my wife, I can remember the look on her face when she picked up the phone to find it was Rhonda calling me about the article.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

I want to bugger Linnea Quigley (as the bird was in 1976 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously).