Monday, May 15, 2006

"Ankle Biters" review

Ankle Biters (2002)

Directed by Adam Minarovich

Adam Minarovich.... Drexel Vennis
Jeremy Busbee.... Rafe
Michael Moore.... T-Bone
Catherine Minarovich.... Karen

Midget vampires. Yes. Count Midgula. The midgets get together to steal a sword which has some "Tall Man" blood in it. See if they stab somebody with it, then that victim gets to be a vampire. So then big man can bite other people. Some other stuff happens.

This movie is terrible. Incoherent and just plain moronic. It's one step below "Feeders". The acting is awful and the effects nonexistent. The budget was nonexistent too. It's blatant cheapness just makes you lose interest as you can see the filmmakers had no interest as well. If I were to put it under the microscope, I would make two points:

First, the flick is called "Ankle Biters". So we're expecting a comedy on midget vampires. Within minutes, the dwarfs have made a tall guy a vampire. So what's the freaking point?! They ditched the midgets in about ten minutes. They were there but more as background. I don't want to watch Neck Biters! Where were the Ankle Biters?!

Second, there is one scene where the hero explains to a woman, "Forget about what you've seen in the movies. All the legends are bogus: Vampires like sunlight, stakes don't work, garlic is delicious." In fact nothing will kill a vampire except something really cheap. So "Ankle Biters" ditches all the vampire legend for a lame syringe full of vampire blood. That's the only thing that kills vampires. When you see the vampires walking around in broad daylight, you'll know something is very wrong. It is. You've rented "Ankle Biters".



Anonymous said...

What a piece of liquid shit. I never want to see this movie ever again. I couldn't even watch this in one sitting, it was so bad.
Landfill is right!

Anonymous said...

Midgets huh?? Not that godamned Ralphus from BLOODSUCKING FREAKS right?? I'm in... Fun review!!