Saturday, May 20, 2006

"Hotties" review

Hotties (2005)

Directed by Lee Bennett Sobel
Writing credits Sharon Cacciabaudo Lee Bennett Sobel

Artie Brennan .... Dicko the sleazy strip club owner
James Eason .... The Doc
Emily James .... Annie Cockledoo
Phil Mazo .... Willy the Nerd
Catherine Paris .... Muffy
Caitlin Ross .... LaQueefa
Erika Smith .... Gyna
Antonio Tomahawk .... Maddog the Bounty Hunter

Well, well, well, well. Well what in the world do we have here? I bought “Hotties” because I saw that Erika Smith was in it. Little did I know that there was another Seduction Cinema babe along for the ride. Catherine Paris AKA Julian Wells AKA more AKA’s than I could possibly list here shows up as one of the Hotties. She’s channeling her judge character from “Sexy American Idle” into her snooty, insane “Hottie” character Muffy. My God, it’s scary that I know that.

The three Hotties break out of the insane asylum and proceed to wreak havoc on all of the lousy, stinking, drooling men. No good, rotten, putrid men. Men who stare at woman and, (God forbid!), want to have sex with them. These men need to be taught a lesson. The Hotties are on it. They want to humiliate all of the men they come into contact with. Their ex-boyfriends/ex-bosses/ex-men left some serious mental scars on these poor frail women. The Hotties have had enough with men and want to torture them and anyone else stupid enough to watch this movie.

“Hotties”, in its own way, is an intriguing movie. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a movie so gleefully shoot itself in the head as “Hotties does. This movie hates its audience. I mean, it despises them. Either that or the filmmakers are so idiotic that they have no idea who their audience is. You see, B-movie fans, (like me), who buy a movie called “Hotties”, (which has the tagline “Wild Wanton Women on a Rampage”), expect to see the Hotties blasting their way through town and maybe finding some quality time with some lucky guy or girl(s). There is a standard formula for these types of flicks. “Hotties” couldn’t care less.

“Hotties” is really a sweet revenge flick against B-movie fans. These are the men the Hotties really want to humiliate. All of us weirdos out here who actually like watching women get naked. So the Hotties favorite tactic is making the slimy men in their life have gay sex.

Yes B-movie fans, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that the only sex you’ll see in “Hotties” is hot guy on guy action. They capture one dork so that they can dress him up in woman’s clothes. Then they find a way to make him have sex with a hairy guy. I can tell you it was at that moment that “Hotties” jumped headfirst into the landfill. This scene, (and many others), should have never been in this movie unless the filmmakers really wanted the audience to revolt and bash the TV set.

Why was this movie made? Do the filmmakers hate men too? Did they really think that anybody would want to watch a movie about three women forcing guys to get it on with each other? There is one scene where the evil Doctor, (cool name), has the Hotties topless and tied up in his laboratory. So that was nice. There are a few other scenes of topless women but the rest of the moronic movie overrides any joy to derive from that.

“Hotties” is a con job designed to lure in suckers, (like me), into thinking that they’re going to have a good time with the Hotties but instead get the shaft. Right up the ying yang. Don’t be a fool. Say no to “Hotties”.


Give us your money you lousy B-movie fan.

AJ Khan shows up as a hot woman in the gym but it still can't save "Hotties"

Must stop the Hotties before they make more movies...


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