Tuesday, May 23, 2006

"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" review

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Directed by Marcus Nispel
Writing credits Kim Henkel Tobe Hooper (1974 screenplay)

Jessica Biel.... Erin
Jonathan Tucker.... Morgan
Erica Leerhsen.... Pepper
Mike Vogel.... Andy
Eric Balfour.... Kemper
Andrew Bryniarski.... Thomas Hewitt (Leatherface)

I was very skeptical going into this remake, reimagining, shameless cash-in, whatever. Did "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" really need a big budget rendition? My first reaction was NOOOOOOOO!!! Could a Jessica Biel version be scarier than the first movie? Is it possible? It's a tough call. I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that the new version of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is an outstanding horror flick.

You'll know what you're in for in the first few minutes.


A group of teens pick up a girl wandering down the road. When she gets into the van, she starts freaking out about the possibility of going back to Leatherface and family. She pulls out a gun and blows the back of her head off. The camera pans back from the screaming kids, THROUGH the suicide victim's skull, and out the back car window. Then the camera does an extreme close-up on the girl's lips. You get to see smoke coming out of her mouth from the gunshot. It was at this point I knew I was in good hands.


The rest of the flick has Jessica Biel and friends running for their lives from Leatherface. The prevailing atmosphere in this movie is one of doom and gloom. It keeps that vibe until the very end. While the movie is brutal, the gore is relatively low. Leatherface has his chainsaw buzzing overtime but you don't get to see him dig into people as much as you would think. Or hope.

"Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is a great horror movie. I loved every second of it. Loved it. My dad saw it with me and he HATED it. He hated it with a passion. In his words, "That stupid movie was needlessly cruel and vicious." Yes! Exactly! Couldn't have said it better myself! Except for the movie being stupid, I agree!

"Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is very sick for a mainstream movie. Brutal, nasty and quite demented. Just like all good horror should be. If you're into horror flicks, you've got to check it out.

SCORE: 3.5 out of 4 Leatherfaces Have I mentioned how much I like Jessica Biel's t-shirt in this movie? It should have gotten its own credit.

Where's Leatherface?


Man, I love that T-shirt. And it still manages to stay knotted. Incredible.


the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

i agree that this is a superb film, however whenever i watch it i do have problems concentrating on the story and characters because all i`m really thinking about, (for the entire running time of the movie), is how much i`d like to bugger jessica biel, she has got to be one of the most incredible chicks of all time, her arse is beyond belief.

Dr. Gore ( said...

Agreed. I didn't realize how much of a babe Jessica Biel was until I saw this movie. A testement to her power that a madman with a chainsaw cannot divert the viewers attention away from her and her knotted t-shirt.