Sunday, April 27, 2008

"Wrestlemaniac" review

Wrestlemaniac (2006)
AKA El Mascarado Massacre
AKA The Mexican Porn Massacre

Director: Jesse Baget
Writer: Jesse Baget

Rey Misterio Sr. ... El Mascarado
Irwin Keyes ... Stranger
Adam Huss ... Alphonse
Leyla Razzari ... Dallas (as Leyla Milani)
Margaret Scarborough ... Debbie
Jeremy Radin ... Steve
Catherine Wreford ... Daisy
Zack Bennett ... Jimbo
I am going to chug a Negra Modelo before writing this review. You’ve got to get into the spirit of things when writing about a movie called “Wrestlemaniac”. Ready? Here we go. Chug! Chug! Chug! This is full contact reviewing here. Only a little bit more to go now. It’s gone. Now for my finishing move. I’m going to have a shot of Patron in a shot glass I got from Vegas. I’ve been saving this glass for a special occasion. Discussing the merits of a killer masked wrestler movie demands tequila. Cheers! Off the top rope! OK. I’m ready now.

An amateur porn crew heads to Mexico to film some porn. Instead of going to a sleazy motel, they decide to stop in a sleazy ghost town. It is there that the fat dork of the crew tells them the legend of the big masked wrestler who liked to rip people’s faces off. This turns the director on and he wants to make it with his porn hotties as soon as possible. After a few breasts have been seen, the wrestlemaniac makes his appearance. Faces are torn off while the crew runs for their lives. Thankfully the fat dork knows how to defeat the wrestlemaniac. You’ve got to unmask the masked maniac and he will run away forever. Easier said than done.

“Wrestlemaniac”. What a great idea for a B-movie. There should be more B-movies with porn casts getting attacked by masked wrestlers. There are so many more avenues to explore with this particular genre. You could have a tag team match between two masked maniacs and two S&M dominatrixs. Or a lesbian steel cage match! Or MILF’s vs Maniacs! The sleaze potential is endless.

“Wrestlemaniac” is content with just scratching the surface of sleaze possibilities. It delivers the bare minimum of what you would expect from an important piece of cinema called “Wrestlemaniac”. There is a brief porno scene and the wrestler does rip some faces off. It’s got some blood and hot babes so you know that's always good. There is also one wrestling scene in the movie. I’m glad it was in there but I was hoping for more. Some graphic eye gouging and hair pulling with the porn babes could have been the ticket to sleaze nirvana.

Overall, “Wrestlemaniac” is a fair B-movie. It moves along and gives you a little bang for your buck. It may be worth a look. I just hope in “Wrestlemaniac 2” they decide to throw down and put the wrestle back in “Wrestlemaniac”. It needs some more porn body slamming action to make it a sleaze classic.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 wrestlemaniacs

Sunday, April 20, 2008

"Zombie Strippers" review

Zombie Strippers (2008)

Director: Jay Lee
Writer: Jay Lee

Robert Englund... Ian Essko
Jenna Jameson... Kat
Roxy Saint... Lillith
Joey Medina ... Paco
Shamron Moore ... Jeannie
Penny Drake ... Sox
Jennifer Holland ... Jessy
John Hawkes ... Davis
Jeannette Sousa ... Berengé
Whitney Anderson ... Gaia
Carmit Levité ... Madame Blavatski
I saw “Zombie Strippers” at the Nuart. I would have thought less of myself if I had passed up an opportunity to see a film called “Zombie Strippers” in the theaters. I also got a free Jenna Jameson comic book out of the deal. It came with the ticket. Could life get any sweeter?! I grabbed my candy and soda and made my way to the front. I had to see the zombie stripping up close.

So a zombie virus escapes a government lab. An infected soldier from the zombie hit squad runs for cover in a strip club. Of course he does. When he sees Jenna Jameson stripping, it drives him wild for her flesh. He proceeds to eat a good chunk of her. This turns out OK for Jenna as being dead increases her stripping skills. Soon the other girls get jealous of all the attention undead Jenna is getting and decide they want to join the zombie gravy train. But zombie strippers need to eat and the downside to ghoulish stripping becomes apparent as a room full of customers becomes a room full of mindless zombies. More blood, breasts and zombie chaos follow.

Jenna Jameson is a master hair flipper. She is right up there with Nikki Fritz in the hair flipper Hall of Fame. And stripping? Jenna Jameson is a world class stripper. Jenna pounces on stage after getting a zombie bite to show the club how the undead can dance. If you don’t get turned on by seeing Jenna Jameson strip while blood runs over her body, you don’t like B-movies. This scene was the highlight of the movie. Jenna Jameson’s undead strip tease was a sublime B-movie moment. I was entranced.

“Zombie Strippers” is a fun B-movie. A complaint I often make about these movies is that the filmmakers don’t put enough effort into it to make it fun or sometimes even worth sitting through. “Zombie Strippers” does not have that problem. The filmmakers took great care in making sure fans will enjoy it. Robert Englund did a good job as the sleazy club owner and the guy who played the janitor had me laughing. His scene naming his bullets for his last stand was hilarious.

“Zombie Strippers” is packed full of B-movie goodness. It had naked breasts, undead breasts, Goth breasts, redhead breasts and some more naked breasts. There’s also blood, guts, exploding heads, and zombie stripper catfights. This movie has it all! I was very pleased. Go see some dead strippers!
SCORE: 3.5 out of 4 Jennas

Jenna's main zombie stripper rival. As you can see, the movie was amazing.