Sunday, May 21, 2006

"Hotties II: The Hot, the Bad and the Ugly" review

Hotties II: The Hot, the Bad, and the Ugly (2005)

Directed by Lee Bennett Sobel
Writing credits Sharon Cacciabaudo Lee Bennett Sobel

Catherine Paris.... Muffy
Caitlin Ross.... LaQueefa
Erika Smith.... Gyna

Well, well, well, well. Well this proves there’s no hope for me. I bought “Hotties” and “Hotties II” because I saw that Erika Smith was in it. I had watched the first “Hotties” and found it to be pretty bad. So why did I bother watching the sequel? Sure I had already spent money on it but I could have just as easily thrown this one away and saved myself the pain. Two reasons: One, morbid curiosity. I had to see if “Hotties 2” could be any better than the first one. Two, I’m a B-movie fan. You can’t call yourself that if you aren’t afflicted with eternal optimism. I always think a B-movie can be good. So I watched it.

My God. What a fool I am. “Hotties 2”. I’m sure it was shot in the same week as “Hotties”. So that would mean both movies were shot in a week somewhere in the deepest, darkest pits of New Jersey. This time the evil, egg salad sandwich loving Doctor, (cool name), wants to bring the Hotties under his control. He creates another group of Hotties and has them go on the rampage. Then there are three guys from the first movie who are dressed in drag who also want to impersonate the Hotties. Oh, and then there are the original Hotties who still want those lousy men to have a lot of gay sex with each other.
Yeah, it’s another stinker. This one manages to be even more terrible than the first one. Geez, who would have thought that seeing men get their comeuppance by having sex with each other would be a detriment to a supposed exploitation flick called “Hotties”? How about anyone with half a brain? A quarter of a brain? Any brains? Hello? Anybody home in Hottie land?

Catherine Paris AKA Julian Wells shows up again as Hottie Muffy. You’ve got to give it up for Wells. She is pretty amusing when she wants to be. She’s channeling her judge character from “Sexy American Idle” into her snooty, insane “Hottie” character Muffy. I don’t know if I’m proud that I know that or if I’m starting to scare myself. Erika Smith is the foul mouthed Hottie. She’s pretty good in her own foul mouthed kind of way. Caitlin Ross is the voodoo loving French hottie with the hard body. All three of the Hotties need to be in a better movie immediately, before the stench of this garbage starts sticking to them.

The “Hotties” “movies” were designed as sweet revenge flicks against B-movie fans for actually wanting to see hotties get naked, have sex and do other pleasant things that hotties do. Why they were designed this way I have no idea. Just remember this: The Hotties hate men! If there was any truth in advertising, that would have been the tagline instead of "Wild Wanton Women on a Rampage".

So if you want to see a movie where three Hotties, (and their impersonators), get men to have sex with each other, get the “Hotties” movies and never read my reviews again because you aren’t listening to a word I’ve said. If you have an ounce of sanity, stay far away from these two pieces of junk. Send these two flicks to the landfill where they belong.

Something sexy is going to happen soon...
The Doctor rules! I had an egg salad sandwich in his honor while writing this review.

Hotties 3 ladies? I beg for mercy.

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