Saturday, January 27, 2007

"The Mummy's Kiss: 2nd Dynasty" review

The Mummy's Kiss: 2nd Dynasty (2006)

Directed by Donald F. Glut
Writing credits Donald F. Glut

Mark Bedell.... Jack
Stacy Berk.... Susan
Belinda Gavin.... Dr. Zita Furneaux
Lorielle New.... Peggy
Christine Nguyen.... Elyse Lam
Cindy Pucci.... Tanya

Belinda Gavin needs women. She’s a horny professor looking for the Egyptian fountain of youth. The only way to wipe that gray out of her hair is to have sex with a lot of women and steal their soul light. She prays to a large floppy breasted goddess and her two topless twin servants to show her the way to eternal youth. They tell her it’s all about the Mummy’s Kiss. You jumpstart the mummy with a kiss and it’ll go out and pick up some hot chicks for you to soul suck. Many blondes get dragged into the museum of love while the hot Asian girl from “Ghost in a Teeny Bikini”, (Christine Nguyen), snoops around for a story.

“The Mummy’s Kiss: 2nd Dynasty” is about lesbians and a mummy. There’s a half-hearted attempt to make it into some sort of suspenseful flick, complete with hair-raising music when the mummy appears, but this attempt fails completely as the mummy inspires only great laughter. Actually, the mummy is not important to the movie. It’s just an undead pimp who shuffles along and brings the women to Belinda.

Speaking of women, this is where the movie shines. The first sex scene has two blondes getting cozy at home. They display some fake acting and even faker breasts but they know what to do in bed. I enjoyed that scene. The other sex scenes have Belinda taking each blonde for a ride at the museum so she can suck their blonde power out of them. It all ends with a triumphant four way as Christine Nguyen gets smothered with zombie blondes at the museum. This was the highlight of the movie. Of course it was. You didn’t need me to tell you that but I wanted to anyway.

As for the rest of the movie, it was pretty lame. “The Mummy’s Kiss: 2nd Dynasty” has plenty of bad acting to torment you as you wait for another sex scene to start. I doubt there was more than one take for some of these scenes. If the scene didn’t involve two women kissing each other, the filmmakers were not that interested. As a matter of fact, neither was I. But the good news is that the sex scenes are decent with plenty of blonde women groping and licking each others naked blonde bodies. I can’t totally condemn a movie with this many naked women grinding on top of each other.

So if you always wanted to watch a softcore lesbian flick with a mummy hanging around in the background, this is the movie for you. If you’re a little more demanding in your Sapphic delights, you can let this mummy go.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 triple teaming zombie blondes

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