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Monday, September 16, 2013

"Baby Dolls Behind Bars" review

Baby Dolls Behind Bars (2012)

Director:

Writer:

 

...
Maggie
...
Sissy
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Matron

Ahh late night Cinemax. Where would I be without you? For that matter, where would Fred Olen Ray be without you? Nowhere that's where. Yeah, using double negatives and hustling suckers for quarters in the circus sideshow that is his life. Thank the Gods there are so many women out there who want to bless us with their surgically enhanced bodies performing a little late night lesbian kissing and tribbing. No pegging though. That's too hardcore for Ray and his softcore romps.

"Baby Dolls Behind Bars" is another in a long line of borderline worthless softcore flicks from Ray and his buxom partners in crime. This time the story revolves a blonde who breaks into prison to stop a jewel thief. Or maybe she gets herself caught. Actually she could have been going undercover. Ahh who cares why she's there? Anyway she runs into a corrupt warden, (the lovely Christine Nguyen), who wears a dog collar and likes having lesbian sex. Then some other stuff happens and some more sex and then I went to bed.

This is a weaker entry in the Ray oevure. What makes one softcore movie better than another you ask? Why the sex scenes of course. This one has the same cast dry humping the same people in the same positions. More of the same, etc, etc. zzzz... The only thing that saves this movie from complete oblivion is Christine Nguyen. My God she's lovely. She always give me the impression that she enjoys having these softcore adventures and she's a pleasure to watch. Her sex scene in the cabin with the jewel thief was magical.

So if you're up late and "Baby Dolls Behind Bars" is on, let a good half hour go by and hold on for the Nguyen scene. It's the only scene worth watching.  Christine and her dog collar choker bring some sleazy joy to this barren B-prison experience.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 dog collar wardens


 





19 comments:

jimmie t. murakami said...

Finally, another 'actual' reveiw, excellent.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

I want to tit-fuck the gorgeous blonde bird.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

I want to bugger the gorgeous bird behind the gorgeous blonde bird.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

I want to sodomize the gorgeous chink bird.

jimmie t. murakami said...

I admire Fred Olen Rays rampaging heterosexuality but as a film-maker hes a bloody load of old rubbish.

Dr. Gore said...

It is pretty much the same movie over and over again from Mr. Ray.
There won't be any surprises in these movies from now until Cinemax goes off the air.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Dr Gore, Whats happened my old mate ?, you returned and now you`ve disappeared for a month again, i was expecting loads of reveiws of classic cult horror movies in the lead in to Halloween ! ! !. By the way geezer, go to "Porn Hub" and write "Skinny Teen Love Anal Play" for a few minutes with two of the most gorgeous lesbians you`ll ever see ! ! !.

Dr. Gore said...

What happened you ask? Real life keeps happening. I don't like it. If it was up to me it would be nothing but Cinemax and other sleazy movie reviews.

But it's not up to me. Alas, the real world keeps dragging me away.

But I digress. My problems are small but somehow derail me. I would like to apologize for my lack of effort on this site. I'll make no false promises but know that I hear your lament and hope to correct my wayward reviewing life.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Dr. Gore, Happy Halloween my old mate, have a great time on Thursday night (at whatever strip club you`ll be attending). By the way geezer, what did you think of those two gorgeous birds in that clip ?.

Mighty Roxtard said...

You're back! Holy crap, now I can figure out what to watch again!

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Dr. Gore, imagine those 4 incredible babes from "Spring Breakers" being buggered senseless in POV by lucky bastards over on "Ass Teen Mouth" and "First Anal Quest" ! ! !...WOW.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Dr. Gore, "The Pauline Hickey Fan Page" doesn`t seem to be there anymore but all those pictures are still available over on "Pauline Hickey: Vintage Erotica Forums", nip over there sharpish my old mate and download ALL those pictures to your computer, When Pauline Hickey was 17 in 1985 she was THE most incredible bird of all-time ! ! !.

willy jerk-off said...

Dr. Gore, the great thing about POV, The Side Angle, Lesbian Porn, Blow-Jobs, Glory-Hole, and the best of the Windows Vista Media Centre clips is that you never have to worry about a blokes arse suddenly coming into shot and spoiling your wank.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Merry Christmas Dr. Gore, have a great time geezer.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Dr. Gore, i hope you`re having a great Christmas my old mate, at whatever strip club you`re attending.

Dr. Gore said...

Merry Christmas to you. And a happy new year. No strip club on Christmas but New Years could be a different story.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Happy New Year Dr. Gore, have a great 2014 my old mate, maybe attending 365 different strip clubs on 365 consecutive days, that would be the perfect way to spend the year, i think you`ll agree.

jimmie t. murakami said...

Dr. Gore, its 4 months again my old mate, i`m waiting for another reveiw (and some more images of mega-breasted beautys obviously ! ! !).

Dr. Gore said...

Your cries for mega breasted reviews will be answered. I'm aware I've said this in the past but I've just received a new computer desk and I can feel the mojo coming back. I've also received Roku for Christmas and there is some quality B-crap on that thing. The exploring commences now.