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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

"Flowers on the Razorwire" review

Flowers on the Razorwire (2004)

Directed by Hart D. Fisher

Wanda Curtis
Fred D'Amico
Mitsuho Otani

I was given this DVD as a birthday present. It makes me feel good that I have friends out there who know we so well. The tagline on the front of the DVD says, “Sooner or later…Everybody Bleeds.” I can only imagine what went through my friends minds when they saw that tagline and thought of me. It probably went something like this, “Here’s something that nut Dr. Gore would like. Hot woman on the cover, the promise of bloodshed, it’s all here for him.” Happy Birthday indeed.

“Flowers on the Razorwire” is a short film. It runs thirty minutes. It’s about a psychotic dominatrix named Flower who tortures a guy so that she can get him to tell her a scary story. He tells the tale of a hot Asian woman being trapped in an elevator with a possible serial killer. Scary!!! Could he be L.A.’s vicious serial killer everyone is blathering about? Is the hot Asian girl everything she seems? Will this snooze of a story save his life? Not bloody likely.

“Flowers on the Razorwire” plays like a calling card for the filmmakers. There’s not much meat on the bone here. Most of the movie is spent in the elevator where the boiler repairman tries to scare the girl with his knowledge of serial killers. Sorry to say she’s just not that good at conveying fear. It looked more like she was annoyed at possibly being stuck with a psychotic killer. Also, the dominatrix scenes were too brief to get the feeling the guy was getting tortured enough to fight for his life. Of all the stories he could tell, what in the world made him think of this one? Not scary enough for our sick Flower.
Overall, “Flowers on the Razorwire” doesn’t need to be seen. It has a little blood at the beginning and at the end but not enough to warrant a viewing. The DVD looked like it held many sick thrills inside. It was all a tease. Mistress Flower wouldn’t stand for it. Neither should you.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 hot Asians in an elevator

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're review was hilarious. You pinned it down pretty well in some spots, especially with the story of the girl in the elevator. In the short story, the whole thing takes place in about five minutes. But this was financed by Japanese money as a vehicle for the chick. THEY picked the story we were doing, not us. We sent them a list of story ideas, and just as a lark, we threw in Chance Meeting. When we went back to the script, there was suppossed to be more lurid flashback scenes but we didn't have the time or the budget to do them.

The soundstage company ripped us off and was building our sets while we were shooting.

And what, no extra fucking point for slapping the shit out of a blind guy, an actual blind guy?!

Check the extra's. Our dom slapped the shit out of him, nearly breaking his nose in one take.

Keep your eyes out for The Bunker where the blind guy gets to direct and the story has more of the red stuff.

Hart D. Fisher
crimepaysinc.com
boneyardpress.net

Dr. Gore (drgore@hotmail.com) said...

Hart,

Glad you have a sense of humor about my review. Most filmmakers don't take kindly to any sort of criticism. Always better to keep things light. It's more fun that way.

I did watch the extras on this one and saw your dominatrix slap the guy. She must have known she pounded him a little too hard because she seemed upset at her display of strength. But hey, he didn't seem to mind and that's what she's there for anyway. Didn't know the guy was blind though. That's interesting.

So a blind guy is directing a movie? That must be a first. That should be the main selling point. Blind with terror! Exploit, exploit, exploit. You know the game.

Kira said...

Dr Hart.

I think the story is misunderstood... I believe the beginning is just a teaser towards the story, and that the girl in the elevator isn't actually a story he told. I think the girl in the elevator is Flower, and that she isn't supposed to be scared. She's supposed to be annoyed because this guy think's he's so smart, but he's got it all wrong. I saw something else entirely in this film, and I liked the story I saw. It had a nice twist, that the guy who seemed to know so much about serial killers, couldn't recognize one standing in his face.

This may not be right, though, but it is what I saw in the movie.

-Horror watcher, Kira