Friday, January 26, 2007

"Witchcraft 666: The Devil's Mistress" review

Witchcraft 666: The Devil's Mistress (1994)
AKA Witchcraft VI

Directed by Julie Davis
Writing credits Julie Davis Peter E. Fleming

Jerry Spicer .... Will Spanner
Debra K. Beatty .... Keli
Shannon McLeod .... Cat
Stephanie Swinney .... Mary

I was strolling through the video store the other day when I came upon “Witchcraft 666”. The front cover of the DVD has many blurbs on it to catch your attention. The first one I noticed, (and the whole reason I bought this DVD), was an oval shaped endorsement from Mr. Skin. It said that “Witchcraft 666” is “A Mr. Skin pick to click”. Whatever the heck that meant, it sounded good to me. The other blurb that caught my attention was “From the director of “Amy’s O” Julie Davis”. This is an endorsement? Why would they think anybody buying “Witchcraft 666” would care that the director of “Amy’s O” made this movie? Maybe it was put on there as a joke. It almost made me put the movie back on the shelf. Almost…

“Witchcraft 666” is about breasts and the devil worshippers who love them. Young girls who like to wear crosses are targeted by a cult of satanic fiends. Satan wants a mistress and he only likes virgins. His loyal cult members scour Los Angeles for girls wearing crosses because any girl who wears one must be a virgin. It turns out their information is incorrect as they keep having to kill the girls for not being pure enough to please their evil master. Will Spanner gets pulled into these diabolical shenanigans because the police are baffled by the occult killings. Will tries to help lead the cops to the killer as woman after woman rips their bras off for the devil.

Well, on the one hand, “Witchcraft 666” breezes right along and doesn’t cause too much stress to my internal organs as I’m watching it. So that’s positive. But nothing much happens in “Witchcraft 666”. There are plenty of breasts bouncing around to distract you from this fact. When the movie was over, I realized I had just watched a whole lot of nothing. There’s a massive cult, (three people), picking up innocent girls and trying to massage a demonic pentagram into their stomachs. That’s the movie. Thrilling eh? While I can’t recommend “Witchcraft 666”, I can tell you that Mr. Skin seemed to like it and for good reason. But since nothing much else happened in between the breast scenes, “Witchcraft 666” can be skipped.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 demonic massagesGiant red breast attacking Spanner. Is there no end to the evil this man must face?

1 comment:

Julie K Smith said...