Tuesday, July 13, 2010

"Attack Girls' Swim Team versus the Undead" review

Attack Girls' Swim Team versus the Undead (2007)

AKA Joshikyôei hanrangun

Director: Kôji Kawano
Writer: Satoshi Ôwada

Sasa Handa ... Aki
Yuria Hidaka ... Sayaka
Ayumu Tokitô ... Mariko
Mizuka Arai
Hiromitsu Kiba
Hidetomo Nishida

The girl's swim team is in trouble. They're the only ones not affected by the hideous zombie plague raging through the school. Luckily for them, chlorine is the only antidote to the virus. As the rest of the school turns into the undead, new girl Aki, (Sasa Handa), and her new girlfriend, (and possible twin), have a long lesbian encounter in the kitchen. When body parts are flying all around you, only sapphic delights can put your mind at ease. After their prolonged lovemaking session is over, they get back to the business of killing zombie school girls. It all ends with startling revelations of mad scientists, secret assassins and flutes that drive women to orgasm. Somehow, it all makes sense in the end.

Well, actually it doesn't. "Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead" is just as disjointed and incoherent as its title suggests. Hot babe Sasa joins the swim team and zombies attack. That sums up everything you need to know about this movie. The only other thing to know is that Sasa is naked throughout most of the movie and has a great lesbian scene in the school kitchen. She is the highlight of this movie.

That's not to say there aren't other cheap thrills to be had. There is plenty of blood and guts as zombies flail about in hopes of dismembering the swim team. Actually the swim team really doesn't do much to stop the zombie horde. They get slaughtered fairly quickly which leaves it up to Sasa to lay waste to her infected schoolmates. It's later revealed that Sasa is actually a crazed assassin and that a mad scientist has repeatedly seduced her with his magic flute. If you need more clarity on that last sentence, I can assure you that you will derive no joy out of watching "Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead".

So if you're the kind of undiscriminating "lesbian school girls meet zombie plague started by a horny mad scientist with a magic flute" movie lover like I am, you'll probably find something to enjoy in "Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead". Sasa is hot enough, (and naked enough), to make up for a lot of the nonsensical madness on display. And have I mentioned the lesbian love scene in the kitchen? Sasaaaaaaa...

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 attack girls' swim teams



the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

I want to bugger every gorgeous chink bird in this movie.

Blue Highwind said...

I don't think I've ever heard of a movie that I want to see more than this. Too bad I live in respectable society and cannot simply leave a copy of "Possibly Incestuous Lesbians Fight Zombies" around the house.

Ghidorah said...

I'm very glad to know I'm not the only "lesbian school girls meet zombie plague started by a horny mad scientist with a magic flute" movie lover!

Hopefully, unlike Blue Highwind, I don't live in a respectable society so It doesn't cause me too much problems...

You forgot to mention the flute actually sound like an organ...

the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

Ghidorah, your last sentence should have read "You forgot to girl-tion the flute actually sound like a twat...", please be more respectful of my murderous homo-phobia in future, thanks.

Dr. Gore said...

Blue Highwind,

You've got to find a way to get "Possibly Incestuous Lesbians Fight Zombies" around your house. I proudly display such films but you may have to use discretion. Sometimes lesbian zombie killers trumps polite society. In my case, it's all the time.

Dr. Gore said...


Ahh but it wasn't just a flute. It was a magic flute. An organ sounding flute but that's only because it was magic. Only the organ sounding flutes drive crazed lesbian schoolgirl assassins to orgasm. All mad scientists embrace this groundbreaking technology.

And no, you are not alone in the love of this particular niche genre.

Dr. Gore said...

Sneering snob,

Have you seen Sasa Handa in other movies? Her lesbian scene was so good I'm beginning to think she may be an expert in them.

the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

i haven`t seen Sasa Handa in any movies but i still desperately want to bugger her simply because shes a gorgeous sexy young girl.