Monday, September 21, 2009

"Sorority Row" review

Sorority Row (2009)

Director: Stewart Hendler
Writers: Josh Stolberg Pete Goldfinger

Teri Andrzejewski... Bra–Clad Sister
Adam Berry... Danny
Megan Wolfley... Trampoline Sister (as Megan Elizabeth Wolfley)
Marie Blanchard... Over-It Sister
Briana Evigan... Cassidy
Margo Harshman... Chugs
Rumer Willis... Ellie
Jamie Chung... Claire
Leah Pipes... Jessica
Carrie Fisher... Mrs. Crenshaw

I saw "Sorority Row" at the Arclight in Hollywood. Why I felt the need to pay a premium to watch this movie is unknown. I was one of three guys in the theater. The other two were near the back. I had three rows near the front all to myself. I think one of the guys was a regular at the Arclight as some of the ushers seemed to know him. Only die hard horror fans made it out to see this one. Slashers hunting sorority girls is a time honored horror movie tradition that needs to be embraced every time it creeps its way into a movie theater.

The girls of Theta Pi decide to pull a prank on some dim-witted guy. They want him to believe that his girlfriend is dead and that they have to dispose of the corpse. Hilarious! But their acting is too convincing as the guy feels the need to take matters into his own hands. He plunges a tire iron through her chest to make sure all of the blood pours out of her lifeless body. The problem is that she wasn't really dead. Now they really do have to dispose of a body and keep their dark secret from getting exposed. Months go by and a tire iron wielding lunatic starts stalking them at their graduation party. Could it be the girl come back from the dead? Who else could have known about their grisly prank? Someone knows what they did last summer...

"Sorority Row" makes the classic slasher movie blunder. It actually tries to have a plot. Is there anything more superfluous for a slasher movie than a plot? The guilt and accusations that arise form butchering one of their sorority sisters makes the movie much more convoluted than it needed to be. You don't need a plot when it comes to these movies. You have slashers and sorority girls. The movie writes itself! Just turn the slasher loose on their pajama parties and the movie will turn out just fine.

At their graduation party, the girls get picked off one by one as the slasher moves his way up the sorority ladder. The killer employs a tricked out tire iron with various knifes attached to each end. Some of the kills are fun but most are tame. The girls are the usual slasher movie cliches waiting around to get slaughtered. "Sorority Row" doesn't have any scenes that really stand out but it does provide a few gory kills and some brief nudity to assuage one's hunger for slasher movie entertainment. If you're in desperate need of seeing sorority girls screaming, it may be worth a look. If not, then you can let this one go.

One last thought, "Sorority Row" asks a very important question that we must answer now. Who was the hottest sorority girl at Theta Pi? Most of the girls looked good but for my money I would go with Jamie Chung, (Claire). She had the prettiest face to go with her hard body. None of the main characters in "Sorority Row" got naked but Jamie would get my vote as the girl most likely to succeed if she had. If she didn't succeed, at least I would have appreciated the effort.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 sorority row girls

Top of the Row.


Dack Thrombosis said...

So we've got a slasher where no one gets naked and the kills are lame.

I'll pass.

JT said...

These bitches are hott!!!!
This is a remake to The House on Sorority Row (83). Yeah, that movie wasn't so great either.
Sorority Row 2? Anyone?

the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

I want to bugger all the incredible chicks in this movie.

the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

I just realised something, i wouldn`t mind buggering Carrie Fisher as well, at 52 she`s still not a bad looking bird.