Sunday, March 12, 2006

"Cheerleader Massacre" review

Cheerleader Massacre (2003)

Directed by Jim Wynorski
Writing credits Lenny Juliano

Tamie Sheffield.... Ms. Hendricks
Charity Rahmer.... Parker Jameson
Erin Byron.... Angela Caruso
Lenny Juliano.... Buzzy (as Leonard Johnson)
April Flowers.... Tammy Rae (as Elizabeth Short)
Nikki Fritz.... Debbie

First, I'd like to salute the title and DVD cover for this movie. "Cheerleader Massacre". That's the kind of B-movie title that'll rope in the suckers. Ooops, I mean fans. The cover has three women, (in cheerleader outfits with pom-poms of course), looking terrified as a blue jeans wearing maniac is holding a phallic chainsaw between his legs. I see cheerleaders and I'm praying for a massacre. So far, so good.

Well, it didn't take too long for this one to derail and fly off the tracks. The girls never once wear any cheerleading outfits! Couldn't they at least give us that? No, that would have cost money. They couldn't afford a chainsaw either. They could barely afford blue jeans for the killer to wear. The massacre was weak, weak, weak. Nothing scary here. Or gory. Mighty poor slasher flick.

However, "Cheerleader Massacre" is not completely worthless. The women in this movie are a pleasant sight. I must nominate director Jim Wynorski for the Lifetime Achievement award for Most Gratuitous Shower scenes per movie. There is a shower scene about ten minutes into it with an Elisabeth Shue look alike and another hot "cheerleader". The adult coach, (Tamie Sheffield), has an ultra long shower which saves the movie. Her breasts needed a good scrubbing. There was a lot of ground to cover. So if cheap T&A is your bag, you'll get something nice out of this massacre.

One last thing, there is a fairly brief, but nice, sex scene near the end. I thought to myself: This girl knows her stuff. She has got some hot moves. Scanning the IMDb credits for her, I see her name was Diana Espin, AKA Elizabeth Short, AKA April Flowers. The IMDb tells me that she's been in over 50 porno movies. WOW! I had no idea. I will have to hunt down some more of her work. Bravo Ms. Espin/Short/Flowers!

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 Espins/Shorts/Flowers

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