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Friday, March 17, 2006

"Play-mate of the Apes" review



Play-Mate of the Apes (2002)

Directed by John Bacchus

Writing credits John Bacchus

Misty Mundae.... Commander Gaylor
Darian Caine.... Uvula
Debbie Rochon.... Dr. Cornholeous
Anoushka.... Lt. Pushkintucushkin

I bought this DVD for two reasons. One, to see what all the fuss was about Misty Mundae. I've seen her advertised in many straight to video erotic movies and I had to see what she could bring to the party. Two, to see if Ape woman Debbie Rochon gets naked. I am sad to report that there is no Ape-human sex scene. In fact, I'm not even sure why they bothered with the Planet of the Apes angle at all. Why no Ape boobies? That would have been classic. But what is really interesting about this flick is Misty Mundae. Why is she being sold as a sex goddess? I had to find out.

First off, Misty Mundae is the whitest woman I have ever seen. She is ghost white. Almost transparent. She should think about getting some sun. When I look at her, the phrase "Sex bomb" is not what enters my mind. Let's cut to it. She ain't hot. Her hair is flat and dull. She has no breasts! NONE! Her skin is so white it glows in the dark. So why all the hubbub about Mundae?

Because Misty Mundae gets naked a lot and has sex with every woman she sees. OK. That's a good thing. Also, among the entire cast, she's the only one trying to act. I suspect the producers went to the local strip club and had a casting call for Horny Stripper 1, 2, 3, and 4 to fill out the rest of the cast. My favorite stripper/actress/softcore porn treat was the one named wonder Anoushka. She was the horniest of all the strippers. She ruled this planet.

So basically "Play-mate of the Apes" comes down to six or seven scenes of softcore sex mushed together with some story of humans dancing to prove their worth to the Apes. Seriously. I chuckled at a few spots. As a softcore romp, it's pretty good. Whenever you hear the music kick in, you'll know that nakedness is on the way. Why blast music over the top of every sex scene? Half the fun is listening to the women moan with pleasure.

In conclusion, I really don't know how Misty Mundae has carved out a piece of the erotic jungle for herself. Maybe I'm too much of a breast man to understand. But I have to give her credit for the amount of sex she has on the Planet of the Horny Strippers.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 play-mate Mundaes

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