Sunday, March 12, 2006

"Bikini Chain Gang" review

Bikini Chain Gang (2005)

Alexandre Boisvert
Beverly Lynne
Jay Richardson
Nicole Sheridan
Evan Stone

Beverly Lynne gets thrown into prison after being framed by her boss. The warden takes pity on her plight and lets her work on the chain gang. Apparently, at this prison, it’s a privilege to break rocks all day. Beverly and the rest of the Bikini chain gang make a break for it after prison guard Nicole Sheridan decides to take a sex break in the back of the prison van. This all leads to more sex around a broken-down car and an abandoned farmhouse in the not so exciting conclusion.

“Bikini Chain Gang” is an exceptionally cheap and lazy movie. It kind of pretends to be a B-movie then it sort of pretends to be a skin flick and then it ends. The acting is really half-ass in this one. Even Beverly Lynne, who can usually be counted on to be a fairly decent actress, sleepwalks her way through it. But you want to talk out-of-this-world bad acting? Nicole Sheridan gives an outrageously over the top impersonation of a prison guard in this one. And she looks like this!

Of course, “Bikini Chain Gang” is trying to be a comedy so it would be hard to lay all the blame on her if she was told to be as loud and obnoxious as possible. The whole move looks like it was shot in one take over a long weekend. They probably couldn’t afford to turn the cameras off and just told the cast to keep going: “Was that take good?” Did we film it?” “Yeah, but…” “Great! Moving on!”

I know what you’re thinking: Who gives a rat’s ass about the acting, or lack thereof, what about the sex scenes?! Well, they weren’t too bad. Sheridan has a pretty good sex scene in the prison van. She keeps her black boots on the whole time and I loved every second of it. Lynne has two sex scenes, one in the farmhouse and one on a desk while she’s handcuffed. Both scenes are with guys. The best sex scene was at the very beginning between two of the Bikini chain gang ladies in the prison locker room. Prison had unleashed hidden passions between the two jailbirds. Well, maybe the passions weren’t too hidden.

Overall, “Bikini Chain Gang” is pretty sloppy work but the sex scenes are worth a little something. Lynne is letting her hair grow out again and looks great working on the bikini chain gang. So it’s not all bad. It’s also got Nicole Sheridan dressed in leather holding a shotgun. That's definitely not bad at all.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 bikini chain gangs

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