Saturday, August 26, 2006

"The Velvet Vampire" review

The Velvet Vampire (1971)

Directed by Stephanie Rothman
Writing credits Maurice Jules Stephanie Rothman

Michael Blodgett .... Lee Ritter
Sherry Miles .... Susan Ritter
Celeste Yarnall .... Diane LeFanu

I bought this one from Blockbuster for three bucks. So this groovy couple head out into the desert to hang out with a hot vampire woman. She's the kind of vampire who walks around in broad daylight. And lives in the scorching desert. Yeeeaahh. It's that kind of vampire flick. So the couple takes dune buggy tours and has far out relationship issues while vampire lady decides who to seduce first.

This is a typically 70's, cheap-o, female vampire flick. The good news is that both women in this movie get topless. The best news is that the lead vampire lady, (Celeste Yarnall), is a hot bloodsucker. She has some very glossy sex with the guy.

The bad news is that this movie is lame. There is nothing scary or interesting about this movie. The only thing worth seeing is Yarnall in all her vampire glory. You'll also get a cheap laugh watching her drive around in her yellow dune buggy. Speaking of cheap, they must have filmed this sucker in a week. They found a house in the desert and decided it would be perfect for a vampire movie. How they came to that conclusion is unknown.

Unless you're dying to see Celeste Yarnall naked, I would say skip this one.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 velvet vamps


Kester Pelagius said...

The movie isn't lame it's just a bit over the top, in a trippy seventies hippie groovy vision quest in the desert sort of way. Besides where else are you going to find a movie where the wife is taking a bath and the husband decides to join her, only to be treated like a heat rash in a awkward place? That's realism! ;)

Dr. Gore ( said...

Realistic heat rash baths aside, the movie was lame. Dune Buggies and vampires don't mix. This is an ancient movie law which shouldn't be broken. Although I will concede that having a beautiful vampire drive a dune buggy in the middle of the day is a unique scene. It hasn't been attempted in any other vampire movie. And for a very good reason. Because it's lame. Trippy, dippy, lame.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

I want to bugger Celeste Yarnall (as the bird was in 1962 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously).

jervaise brooke hamster said...

I want to bugger Sherry Miles (as the bird was in 1970 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously).