Saturday, August 19, 2006

"Long Time Dead" review

Long Time Dead (2002)

Directed by Marcus Adams
Writing credits Marcus Adams Eitan Arrusi

Joe Absolom.... Rob
Lara Belmont.... Stella
Melanie Gutteridge.... Annie
Lukas Haas.... Webster

Before going on a tirade about what's wrong with this one, let me say what's good about it. There's one good thing about "Long Time Dead". When I say one good thing, I mean one good scene. Well, I really mean a good ten seconds. There is a spot near the end where one of the teens is hiding in a locker and the monster walks up and stares malevolently inside. Then his eyes shift into evil cat's eyes mode. It made me jump. This image is highlighted on the front of the video box cover.

So you can see everything that is worthwhile about "Long Time Dead" on the video box cover. Don't waste your time watching the movie. A bunch of fun loving British teens play with an Ouija Board and release a Djinn. He's no Wishmaster. He just likes burning people to death who play board games with the dead.

This movie will pass through you faster than an angry Djinn. Everything about it screams lame. Lame! See? You won't care about the characters, their fate, the djinn or anything else you see on the screen. "Long Time Dead" is a slick piece of nothing. Djinn gets released and kills teens in a mostly bloodless and lame fashion. Lame! There it goes again. There's only one word you need to know concerning this movie. And I think you know what that word is...

Lame? Yeah.

SCORE: 1 out of 4 spooky cat's eyes

1 comment:

Shannon said...

LOL - one of the best movie reviews I've read in a while... especially the part about the best part of the movie being the box art... nice!