Sunday, August 13, 2006

"The Crippled Masters" review

The Crippled Masters (1979)
AKA Tian can di que

Directed by Joe Law

Chen Mu Chuan
Jackie Conn.... The Crippled Master
Frankie Shum.... The Crippled Master

I bought this tape. I saw a guy with no arms doing karate kicks. I had to see it. So I brought it over to my friend's house to check it out. Wow. Wow. WOW! Bow-wow. This was terrible. This was terrible by default. It couldn't possibly be any good. It had no chance. The minute I put it in the VCR, I was doomed. You'd think a movie with crippled guys doing martial arts would be more fun. The appeal of the crippled gimmick lasts for about five minutes and then your brain caves in. The fights are all stuck in the same plodding rhythm. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. That was the sound my brain was making as it shifted back and forth.

While some may be amused at the Crippled Masters and their crippled antics, I was in pain. I'll hold onto this tape though. A movie this awful must be shared with future generations. They must gaze upon its mighty terribleness to understand what a real bad movie looks like. Whoosh whoosh.


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