Saturday, January 21, 2006

"Alone in the Dark" review

Alone in the Dark (2005)

Directed by Uwe Boll
Writing credits Elan Mastai & Michael Roesch

Christian Slater.... Edward Carnby
Tara Reid.... Aline Cedrac
Stephen Dorff.... Cmdr. Richard Burke

Alone in the Dark" is another one of those movies that you think you should like a lot more than you do. Your brain just won't let you have any fun. It knows what you're watching is total garbage. It can't let you enjoy the demon killing and other action scenes because the movie is just so outrageously stupid.

This movie was written by someone whose only concept of the English language comes from watching other bad action movies. Every character in "Alone in the Dark" talks in clichés. Well, not even whole clichés, more like cliché fragments. Dorff barks orders at Slater who in turn howls at Reid until there's nothing but three mainstream actors wallowing in a bad B-movie.

Slater is a detective searching for demons. He finds them. They attack him. Dorff becomes involved in the hunt as does Slater's hot blonde scientist girlfriend Reid. All three of them shoot lots of demons while some asinine reason is given for the demon's world domination plan.

"Alone in the Dark" is a bad movie. I kind of knew that when I rented it but I was hoping it would at least be a fun flick. I'm sorry to say that the movie is just too brain dead to be enjoyable. Demon killing shouldn't be this dull.

SCORE: 1 out of 4 for lame action scenes that should have been cool. But they were lame. So very lame.

1 comment:

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Why do people keep trashing Uwe Boll's films ?, any one of them chosen completely at random would be 1000 times better by itself than everything that has ever been produced by the (so-called) British film industry put together over the last 122 years since the invention of the cinematograph circa 1889, just to put things into the proper perspective again. By the way, i want to bugger Tara Reid (in 1993 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously).