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Thursday, January 12, 2006

"Haunting Desires" review



Haunting Desires (2004)

Directed by Fred Olen Ray
Writing credits Fred Olen Ray


Beverly Lynne.... Jill O'Connor
Jay Richardson.... Detective Trout
Evan Stone.... Adrian


I saw this on cable the other night. Good old Beverly Lynne. Once again she graces us with her presence in another late night skin flick. She plays a photographer…again. This time there are strange goings on at a vampire strip club. Beverly needs a hot scoop and goes nosing around the club. Soon the vampires will try to help Beverly unleash her haunting desires. I'd say they were fairly successful in helping Lynne get in touch with her wild side. If only they could have helped me…

The problem here is pretty obvious. The vampire women are not attractive. Sorry to say but these creatures of the night could not raise the dead. Know what I mean? Beverly tries her best but it's of no use. I've complained about her short haircut enough so I'll just say that I like her better with long hair. The only two good scenes in the movie had some Lynne action in them. The first scene was when the main vampire paid Lynne a visit in her bedroom. That was OK. The second decent scene had Beverly in a three way with two vamps. But overall this flick is not worth the time. It's best to let this haunting pass you by.

SCORE: 1 out of 4 just because Beverly Lynne had sex again

5 comments:

Ana said...

Haha, my favorite part was when the main vampire guy shoots lazers out of his fingers.

BRILLIANT.

Also, God Bless Kylie Wyote.

God bless her and her thick ass thighs.

That lady's got meat on her and she's not afraid to show it.

Dr. Gore, have you seen "Ice Queen"? It's actually not that bad. The laughter quotient is high, even though I don't think they intended it to be. Which makes it all the more sweeter.

Also, don't rent "The Wickeds" (starring Ron Jeremy as the most boring non sexual grave robber you'll ever meet) OR "Jolly Roger: Massacre At Cutter's Cove.

Horrible.

HORRIBLE.

My life force was sucked out of me between those two movies.

~sigh~

Ah well.

More to rent tomorrow!

Dr. Gore (drgore@hotmail.com) said...

I wasn't sure who Kylie Wyote was until you mentioned her. Now that I've seen some pictures, I agree with your assessment of her thighs. Thick and juicy. I like it.

I haven't seen "Ice Queen". My friend saw it and thought it was decent. I'll have to rent it. Will skip "The Wickeds". I have seen "Jolly Roger" and I thought it was fair. There was a lot of heads flying around. Also liked the undead pirate going to the strip club scene. OK, I loved that scene.

ana said...

Ok. The undead pirate going to the strip club and getting a lap dance was pretty cool. I think what made that scene is that he kept growling at the stripper, "ARRRRR!!!! YOU BE A MIGHTY FINE WENCH! ARRRRR!!!"

hahahaha love it.

Also, whenever he would kill someone and say their last names. He'd give the same kind of gusto everytime he did it.

"ARRRR!!! ANDERRRRRSOONNNN!!"

I walked around all last night saying that.

We rented "Side FX" last night.

LAME.

We also rented "Frankenfish"!! Haven't seen it yet though. Going to do that tonight. "Side FX" sucked and killed my will to live so I didn't have the energy to stomach another movie.

Frankenfish is on the menu for tonight though!

I'm excited.

Dr. Gore (drgore@hotmail.com) said...

I rented "SideFx" and fast forwarded through it. It was pretty cheap and cheesy. I remember the ending in the shack being nice and bloody. I don't remember anything else nice about it.

Enjoy the Frankenfish. It's a tasty treat.

Midnight said...

Personally I think that this is one of the few softcore horror films that has more entertainment value for women than men; Evan Stone made a sexy, seductive vampire and Beverly Lynne's character was very smart and tough. I didn't like the ending, though.