Pages

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

"White Chicks" review

White Chicks (2004)

Directed by Keenen Ivory Wayans
Writing credits Keenen Ivory Wayans & Shawn Wayans


Shawn Wayans.... Kevin Copeland
Marlon Wayans.... Marcus Copeland
Jaime King.... Heather Vandergeld


On a mad, crazy whim, I checked out this movie with a female friend of mine. We had just finished off a pitcher of margaritas at a Mexican restaurant and decided to pop over to the mall to see what was playing. We had mentioned seeing "Day After Tomorrow" but when we got there, "White Chicks" somehow seemed like the more logical choice. We realized we weren't drunk enough to enjoy the movie so we scrambled to find a bar. Luckily, there was a restaurant nearby. So we went up to the bar and each had a double shot of tequila. We ran back upstairs and settled in for some "White Chicks" action. If I had sat down without the tequila swimming in my brain, I would have run screaming from the theater after ten minutes.

"White Chicks" is awful. I mean, it stinks to high heaven. I was wishing I had a large tub of popcorn so I could jam my head into it and suffocate on the kernels. This movie was an abomination. There was one scene where one of the "White Chicks" has a bathroom emergency and farts up a thunderstorm. The audience I was with laughed their heads off. It was then that I knew I was in Movie Hell.

The guy playing the "White Chick" hungry black guy was the only thing funny about this movie. His date with his rubber-masked white chick had me laughing. A little. Other than that, I was just sitting there hoping the projector would explode. Unfortunately the movie kept rolling but eventually came to an end.

Upon leaving the theater, my friend and I agreed that "White Chicks" was one of the worst movies of the year, if not the decade. I was screaming my lungs out in the parking lot. The tequila did not help make the movie funny. Or good. Or tolerable.

So remember this important safety tip: Don't drive drunk to the movies. There was an accident this time and the wreck was called "White Chicks".

SCORE: LANDFILL

3 comments:

the sleaze-o-rama said...

First off let me say i'm a huge fan, i've been reading your reviews for awhile since they were on imdb, you are hilarious, man. nice to see someone out there that appreciates the fine art of sleze in cinema. anyways, i got tricked into watching this movie in the breakroom at my job. all my coworkers would say is "its a wayans brothers movie". after a few minutes i had the sudden urge to blot out my eyes with a pencil. my coworkers could have used the favor too. the wayans brothers are pretty talented, i wonder what made them take this awful script....

Dr. Gore (drgore@hotmail.com) said...

Sorry to hear about your "White Chicks" disaster. I was also tricked into seeing it. Except in my case, it was me fooling me into thinking it could be funny. Mr. Tequila helped a lot too.

Thanks for stopping by and checking out my blog. Good to know I have fans. If it's one thing I appreciate, it's sleazy cinema. I don't know if "White Chicks" qualifies as sleazy. I know it doesn't qualify as cinema. At any rate, it deserves its landfill and so much more.

Anonymous said...

To me, WHITE CHICKS is just a silly stupid film you would watch every once in a while on cable. I think I saw it once and never saw it again LOL. Not the worst film I've seen but far from being my favorite. Nice review.