Sunday, January 29, 2006

"Charlie's Death Wish" review

Charlie's Death Wish (2005)

Directed by Jeff Leroy

Phoebe Dollar.... Charlie
Tracii Guns
Ron Jeremy.... Cop

The southern girl with the funky eyes goes to Hollywood to trash the place and every lowlife hustler in it. Charlie, (Phoebe Dollar), has a problem with Hollywood. The City of Angels has sucked up her innocent sister and spit her out. She died in a mysterious jail house "accident". Dollar wants her revenge on all of the sleaze-bags who had anything to do with the death of her sister. She hits the boulevard of broken dreams armed to the teeth to show Hollywood who's running things. Ron Jeremy shows up as a cop who wants to bring down the mysterious vigilante who's bumping off most of L.A.'s gangsters. He better not get in the way or else he'll burn with the rest of Hollywood.

"Charlie's Death Wish" is an ultra low budget revenge flick with a white hot desire to spit in the face of Hollywood. The very first shot in the movie shows the word Hollywood in big neon lights. So right away they've established that Phoebe's massacre will tear its way through La La Land. Later on, as a couple of bad guys make a move for Dollar, she shoots a billboard over their heads which has the word Hollywood plastered across it. The sign promptly falls on them and breaks into pieces. When Dollar really gets mad, she curses Hollywood, rolls her car over the Hollywood sign cliff, and destroys the first two letters in that famous landmark. As Ron Jeremy says, "She took the HO out of Hollywood."

All of this begs the question, who did Phoebe really want to destroy? The evil people who killed her sister or the deceitful town that spawned them and attracts more porno stars, pimps, dealers and thousands of other daydream believers to Hollywood every single day? You can't destroy Hollywood Phoebe. The lure of fame and fortune is too powerful. Your death wish isn't strong enough to compete with the California dream of limousines, swimming pools, perfect weather, beautiful women and a chance to see and be seen on Sunset Blvd with the movie stars.

"Charlie's Death Wish" has an angry Dollar killing as many people as possible. She gives Charles Bronson, (Charlie/Charles Bronson, get it?), a run for his money in the vigilante dept. Many heads will explode before the movie is over. I enjoyed this exercise in B-movie Hollywood bashing. It moved along and gave Phoebe plenty of chances to blow away lowlifes. Jeremy is a fine actor who gets to show off his acting talents as the cop tracking her down.

I'm still a little disappointed that Phoebe Dollar has never gotten naked in any of her flicks. What's up with that? She even goes undercover as a stripper but does not strip. Come on Phoebe. B-movie queens should show a little skin in between cracking skulls. Embrace Hollywood and all it stands for. Don't pick a fight you can't possibly win.

SCORE 2 out of 4 all American Jeremy's


Anonymous said...

Hey, to answer a couple of your questions and or assumptions about Pheobe Dollar. The Charlie part of Charlie's Death Wish is, because her Grand Father was named Charlie Dollar. And the reason she doesn't get naked is, she's not that kind of girl.

Dr. Gore ( said...

Not that kind of girl eh? OK. I'll buy that. Then why is she making B-movies for a living? My comment still stands. She's fighting a battle she can't win.

I see one of her future flicks is "Werewolf in a Woman's prison". I'll definitely check that out. If she is still clothed in a woman's prison movie, I'll scream foul. That's just not what B-movie lovers want to see. She may not be "that kind of girl" but maybe she should realize what kind of movie she's in. It ain't Disney.

the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

i haven`t seen this movie but it sounds pretty good, but would`nt it be great if ron jeremy could somehow entice the gorgeous phoebe dollar into appearing in a hard-core porno, then we could get to see her with a big dick stuck up her incredible arse, if i could see that i`d feel as though i`d been transported to heaven. And speaking of disney, here are some characters from their films that i`d love to see being buggered: cinderella, sleeping beauty, tinkerbell, snow white, and mary poppins.

Dr. Gore ( said...

Don't forget Ariel the Little Mermaid. After she turns human of course. And the princess from "Aladdin" would be good too. Ariel and Princess Jasmine together. Hmmm....

Actually, we'd have a better chance at a Disney gang bang than having Phoebe mix it up with the mighty Ron Jeremy.

But how about Phoebe and Ariel? Animate Phoebe and let her cartoon persona do all those things she wouldn't. "Heavy Metal 3" sounds like it needs some Phoebe.

the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

actually ariel would be great for a blow-job even before she turned human.