Saturday, April 08, 2006

"Caligula's Slaves" review

Caligula's Slaves (1984)
AKA Roma. L'antica chiave dei sensi

Directed by Lorenzo Onorati
Writing credits Dan Kelly Gianfranco Parolini

Robert Gligorov.... Caligula/Gemellus
Sandra Venturini.... Lysia
Aldo Ralli.... Midas
Francesco Romei.... Lucius' cousin

This is terrible. Don't see this. Don't be a sucker like me. I saw the title "Caligula's Slaves" and let fantasies of Roman orgies and other depravities dance through my warped mind. This cheap-o exploitation movie broke me down. Even the tremendous amount of nudity can't stop this one from becoming a train wreck.

The first scene has a bunch of slaves clapping in unison while Caligula watches two of them have sex, (Caligula likes to watch, lots of Caligula watching in this flick, why am I watching Caligula when I should be watching the sex or...oh never mind). It was so annoying I had to shut the movie off. It took me three attempts but I finally finished watching the whole thing. It was a jagged mountain to climb, a polluted river to swim. But I did it. It wasn't worth it.

Is there anything positive to say? Two things: One, there were a lot of naked female breasts. Two: I never have to see it again. Caligula's naked slaves ain't worth the pain.


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