Sunday, February 19, 2006

"Valentine" review

Valentine (2001)

Directed by Jamie Blanks

Writing credits Donna Powers

Denise Richards.... Paige Prescott
David Boreanaz.... Adam Carr
Marley Shelton.... Kate Davies

This movie starts out with a huge lapse in logic and continues it's freefall. Someone tell me why Denise Richards and Marley Shelton, (two super babes), need to use an express dating service? Has the world gone mad?! After this, I couldn't trust any of the movie's logic.

So the only thing new under the sun is the killer wears a cherub mask. I was intrigued. But I am disturbed by the new generation of slasher flicks insistence on no female nudity. Where are the topless women? Is it too much to ask for some naked sprinkles on my slasher sundae? If I didn't know any better, I'd say they were making slasher flicks for women now, (see "Scream" "I Know what you.." etc.). You have Denise Richards in a hot tub and no naked breasts? Come on man! Show some mercy. And the kills were weak. The blood was nonexistent.

It's well made but well made what? "Valentine" droops along until it finally has a heart attack and ends. Pretty faces are not enough for a good slasher flick. Weak.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 for waste of babes

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