Monday, February 13, 2006

"Razorteeth" review

Razorteeth (2005)

Directed by John Polonia Mark Polonia
Writing credits John Oak Dalton John Polonia

Stevan Anselmi.... Lewis Godfrey
Brian Berry.... Tom
Todd Carpenter.... Ronn
Dave Fife
Brice Kennedy.... Agent Dawson

"Razorteeth" is a very bad movie. And yet…I just couldn't take my eyes off it. I wanted to shut it off after ten minutes but I just couldn't. I had to see what other terrible tricks it had up its sleeve. I am also a sucker for any sort of aquatic monster movie. The minute I found out that there was a piranha movie I hadn't seen yet, I rented it immediately.

So a bunch of plastic piranhas land in a lake. They attack any living thing that happens to be in the water. All of the piranhas, (about two or three), swim around with the same facial expression. They all have their jaws wide open with bulging plastic eyes about to burst out of their heads. I wondered how they eat if they can't move their mouths. A government agent shows up to put a lid on all of this piranha nonsense. More people get attacked by cheap piranhas while the agent bumbles around the lake.

"Razorteeth" is truly a wonder of bad movie-making to behold. It's almost too easy to bash. It looks like something that was made with a bunch of buddies over a long weekend. Cheap is putting it mildly. The filmmakers must have rented a cabin on the lake and decided to make a movie while they were there. "Razorteeth" is seriously bad.

On the plus side, I laughed my head off while watching it. The agent's boss was one of the worst actors I've ever seen but I couldn't stop laughing when he was on screen. The piranhas did a lot of goofy things too. If you like laughing at shamelessly cheap B-movies, "Razorteeth" is where it's at. If you're looking for a piranha horror flick, "Razorteeth" will make you cringe with pain.

SCORE: 1 out of 4 only because they had some funny fish

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