Sunday, February 05, 2006

"8MM" review

8MM (1999)

Directed by Joel Schumacher
Writing credits Andrew Kevin Walker

Nicolas Cage.... Tom Welles
Joaquin Phoenix.... Max California
James Gandolfini.... Eddie Poole
Peter Stormare.... Dino Velvet

Let's get one thing straight. I am a big fan of the sleazy and sordid. My user name "Dr Gore" may tip you off to this fact. A thriller about underground porno is right up my sleaze alley. I knew that a mainstream flick starring Nicolas Cage wasn't going to be too harsh but I was ready to see what the filmmakers had up their sleeve.

Joaquin Phoenix tells Nicolas Cage, "There are things you're going to see that you can't unsee". After "8MM" was over, I knew exactly what he meant. Why can't I get this lameness out of my head? The pain! The torture! "8MM" is a wannabe shock movie. Unfortunately every step down the staircase to Porno Hell is lame and laughable. Every character is a cartoon figure. Nothing resides in any remote semblance of reality. I thought I was going to get the guided tour of Sicko-Porno land. Instead I got the Hollywood super shine, glossy version. Bleech.

The spike through this movie's heart is the evil character known as "The Machine". Cage has tracked down the Machine and dukes it out with him in a graveyard. The Machine decides to take this opportunity to give a long speech to Cage in order to protest the stereotyping of wackos in leather masks. This one scene exposes the filmmakers as complete frauds. No way, no how, would a depraved lunatic take a break from his beating to give a monologue on his evil ways. "8MM" is a waste of time. It was made by fools who have absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 clueless Cages getting lectured by a talkative weirdo

1 comment:

the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

Nicholas Cage is heterosexual, therefore he is a great man. Joel Schumacher is a faggot, therefore he is a pile of garbage.