Wednesday, November 22, 2006

"Slayer" review

Slayer (2006)

Directed by Kevin VanHook
Writing credits Kevin VanHook

Casper Van Dien .... Hawk
Jennifer O'Dell .... Dr. Laurie Williams
Lynda Carter .... Colonel Jessica Weaver
Joyce Giraud .... Estrella
Kevin Grevioux .... Grieves
Ray Park.... Acrobatic Vampire Twins
Danny Trejo

I was sent this DVD. “Slayer” stars that man among men, Casper Van Dien. When I saw his name on the cover, I knew that good times lay ahead. Well, if not good times, at least it’s Van Dien time. I’m still looking for Van Dien to team up with Mario Van Peebles and Jean Claude Van Damme for the triple threat, sure to be B-classic, “Kill Shoot Destroy II”! I don’t know what it’ll be about but it doesn’t matter. With that much Van Damage going on, it’s sure to be a winner.

Anyway, “Slayer” has Van Dien leading an army of commandos through the jungle. They stumble upon some vampires. Vampires that attack during the day! What madness is this? Never fear, Van Dien is here. He shows the bloodsuckers why this flick is called “Slayer”. Soon Van Dien will get the call to go into full time Slayer mode when his hot blonde wife gets mixed up with some more vamps. It’s jungle warfare with some bloodthirsty vampires.

“Slayer” is an out of control B-vampire flick. This is a movie that doesn’t care one bit if it’s making any sense as long as it stops every 10 minutes for another bloody fight scene. “Slayer” was holding together for awhile but by the midway point it spun out of control and stumbled to the end. Coherence was not the top priority for “Slayer”.

The good news is that there’s plenty of blood and guts to keep you happy. Necks get punctured, bodies get ripped in half and various other organs are torn, maimed and generally plundered for blood hungry vampires. There’s also a hot vampire woman running around which makes me happy. Blood drenched hot women. It never gets old. Well, at least not for me.

Most of “Slayer” is taken up by fight scenes. Van Dien and friends try to kill as many vampires as possible. “Slayer” has aspirations to be “Blade” in the jungle and although it doesn’t quite reach those heights, it’s still not too bad for a Van Dien B-flick. If you’re in the mood for some Van Dien vampire slaughter, “Slayer” is worth a look.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 Van Dien vampire slayers

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