Blonde Heaven (1995)
Directed by David DeCoteau
Writing credits Kenneth J. Hall Mark Millenko
Julie Strain.... Illyana
Raelyn Saalman.... Angie
Michelle Bauer.... Amanda Blackwell
Joe Estevez.... Carl Bibbs
Alton Butler.... Kyle
I bought this video for two bucks. I've been looking for this one for awhile. All I knew about "Blonde Heaven" is that it had Julie Strain and Michelle Bauer working at an escort agency. That's all I needed to know. I ran into this one by accident because the title on the video box is "Morgana". The filmmakers probably realized that neither Strain nor Bauer are blonde and changing the title to "Brunette Heaven" just didn't have a good ring to it.
"Blonde Heaven" has Strain working as the madam for a vampire modeling agency in L.A. Right off the bat, I'm intrigued by this film. Strain gets naked numerous times and wears her mighty black jack boots. Oh mama. That's the good stuff. Strain is looking mighty fine in this one. Bauer shows up as a vampire hooker and has a long sex scene with the president of her fan club. Bauer always treats the fans right.
Besides Strain and Bauer doing their thing, "Blonde Heaven" is pretty lame. The main character is your typical naive Midwestern girl who comes to Hollywood and gets seduced by Strain and friends. Hey, can you blame her? Her big lunkheaded boyfriend comes a-calling and decides to rip off his shirt in order to free her from the vampires. Strain should've offered him a job to calm him down. Hunks-R-us or something. Strain decides to strike back and many lame fight scenes follow.
If you're a die hard Strain and/or Bauer fan, "Blonde Heaven" is worth a look. If those two B-queens don't do it for you, skip it.
SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 brunette B-queens in blonde heaven