Saturday, July 22, 2006

"Ice Crawlers" review

Ice Crawlers (2003)
AKA Deep Freeze

Directed by John Carl Buechler
Writing credits Robert Boris

Allen Lee Haff.... Curtis
Götz Otto.... Nelson (as Goetz Otto)
Alexandra Kamp-Groeneveld.... Dr. Monica Kelsey
Karen Nieci.... Arianna

"Ice Crawlers" is a complete disaster. Part of me wants to shred this movie point by point but it's just not worth it. Basically a killer bath mat from the Jurassic period attacks some dolts in a big lab. There is no female nudity however we do get to see an incredibly hairy old guy take a shower. He was the true monster in "Ice Crawlers". Staring at his ugly, wolf man body almost made me run to the bathroom. Something was crawling up my throat. The movie makes every possible misstep and comes limping back for more.

You know the drill. You've seen this movie a million times before. Well, maybe you haven't but I can assure you I have. Some lame brained monster wiggles his way into the isolated setting and proceeds to go to town on various idiots. There's no blood, no fun, no joy, no hope. So just say no.

Stick this movie in the Deep Freeze. Let future generations dig it out. Who knows? In a thousand years, it may be worth something. But I doubt it. It'll still be "Ice Crawlers".


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