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Sunday, July 30, 2006

"Hard to Die" review

Hard to Die (1990)

Directed by Jim Wynorski
Writing credits Mark Thomas McGee James B. Rogers

Gail Harris.... Dawn Grant (as Robyn Harris)
Karen Mayo-Chandler.... Diana (as Lindsay Taylor)
Deborah Dutch.... Jackie (as Debra Dare)
Melissa Moore.... Tess
Bridget Carney.... Shayna

I bought this video for two bucks. The video box for "Hard to Die" makes it very clear what it's trying to sell. The front of the box has a woman holding a machine gun in her underwear. The back of the box has pictures of other lingerie models firing machine guns. There are also two pictures of women in leather who do not appear in this film. You know that they don't appear in the movie because they're not in their underwear. The video box also has a four star rating from Joe Bob Briggs declaring that this is the "…female version of DIE HARD…" In fact, that quote is plastered on the back and both sides of the video box. So remember, "Hard to Die" is the female "Die Hard". Then logically, "Die Hard" is nothing more than a male "Hard to Die".

Well, I have now seen "Hard to Die" and I can assure you that this is not the female "Die Hard". It's about what almost every Jim Wynorski flick is about: Getting hot women to take their tops off. In that respect, "Hard to Die" is a success. So five hot chicks head to an office building to do a lingerie inventory count. You see, they work at a lingerie company. Convenient, eh? You'll be happy to know that they decide to change into the lingerie when their work clothes get wet. But before they do, they must take a shower. Luckily for them, (and the viewer), there's a shower in their bosses office. Really convenient eh? Naturally, these scenes are the highlight of the movie. There are a lot of squeaking sound effects as the ladies scrub their breasts clean.

As for the rest of the movie, it was hard to stay interested. It was trying to be some sort of slasher flick. The ladies were being stalked by the spirit of a killer from another Wynorski flick but no one really cared. There was a fat guy who kept getting stabbed and shot but no one cared about him either. The only thing to care about here is the women running around in their underwear. They only start shooting machine guns at the very end of the movie but at least they're in their underwear when they do it.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 lingerie models dying hard

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