Wednesday, October 04, 2006

"Blood Angels" review

Blood Angels (2004)
AKA Thralls

Directed by Ron Oliver
Writing credits Lisa Morton Brett Thompson

Lorenzo Lamas.... Mr. Jones
Leah Cairns.... Leslie
Siri Baruc.... Ashley
Fiona Scott.... Roxie
Sonya Salomaa.... Lean
Moneca Delain.... Brigitte
Lisa Marie Caruk.... Buzz

A bunch of hot vampire, (Thralls if you want to get technical), women open a nightclub. They are trying to escape the clutches of vampire master Lamas. A sister of one of the vamps shows up. She is ignorant of their vampire ways. Soon she will get a lesson in how to be a successful Thrall and how to waste a beautiful B-movie concept.

Speaking as a B-movie lover, I'm outraged at this film. I don't say that lightly. What a waste. You have a bar full of hot vampire chicks and not one of them gets naked? Come on! OK. OK. The DJ flashes her breasts to expose some sort of snake like monster. But they used a body double for the DJ. No way was that her breasts. The cover of the DVD has five or six babes in scantily clad lingerie and the tag line is "Being wild is in their blood." Yeah whatever. When you have more topless guys than girls, you know that the filmmakers don't have a clue as to who will be watching their movie. "Blood Angels" had the potential to be a great exploitation flick but instead went down a very mundane path to B-movie oblivion.

To be fair, "Blood Angels" is not a horribly-made flick. You won't want to rip your eyes out while watching it. But it's another classic case of the bait and switch tactic that B-movie filmmakers cherish. You think you're renting a naughty vampire movie but instead are stuck with a Thrall empowerment flick. They are going to show that evil man that he's not in control of them. *Sigh*

Wasteful. Sad. Tragic.

SCORE: 1 out of 4 pouting Thralls


Anonymous said...

Yeh, this just showed up on the tube last night just as I was about to hit the sack - but I spotted the lovely Leah Cairns (Racetrack in Battlestar Galactic) was in it, so I had to watch. Yeh, bait and switch - the hottest moment for me was Monica Delain (Brigitte) in bra and panties strutting around in one short scene - and as Ashley says "they were naked" - no, but they should have been. I wanted Leah to get naked, or even be in lingerie more - she's done it in other things (Robson Arms, 88 Minutes). Yeh, body double for Fiona Scott's tits for sure.

Dr. Gore ( said...

I've never really been able to get my head around why B-movie filmmakers feel it's necessary to use deceptive advertising for their flicks. Well, actually I can see it for some movies but "Blood Angels" had the exploitation babes ready to go. Why is it so hard to give B-movie freaks what they want? The Thralls were not thrilling.

MissCarriage said...

Hey - I read your reviews all the time for work and they're funny but why oh why do you guys desperately need to see tits in every horror movie? Why does that element make it good? Why not rent porn if thats what you need to see? I don't have to look at dick to think a trashy horror movie is good!


A huge fan of the genre - who often feels left out due to my female sex organs. Maybe there should be more dick after all.

Dr. Gore ( said...

Good question MissCarriage. Allow me to answer that from a couple of different perspectives.

From a writing perspective, it's fun to write about the women in horror flicks and how great their bodies look while naked. I guess I also have this image in my head of most of my readers being men who want to share in the visual experience. I can see how women wouldn't be as interested in reading about my particular obsessions.

But from a movie perspective, I don't need beautiful breasts in every horror movie, (although I'd love some). "The Thing" is a good example of a great horror movie that needs no breasts to make it better. Topless women are the extra cherry on top for B-horror movies. You don't neccesarily need it but it looks so good.

But look closely at the cover for "Blood Angels". You can't tell me that the filmmakers weren't trying to sell sex and nudity to make the male audience rent this blood sucker. "Blood Angels" pushed their vampire supermodels on us and we didn't get any payoff in return.

Perhaps there should be more penises in horror movies for the female audiences to make it even. Although I suspect that females are more interested in the true horror elements than they are with the male anatomy. But if you did that then you'd alienate guys like me who want the full exploitation package.

Sorry you can't join the party but you're always invited to partake in the B-horror movie delights. Your female sex organs may leave you out in the cold while watching these movies but take small comfort in the fact that I am enjoying the skin content and will write about my B-movie joy.