Wednesday, October 18, 2006

"Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold" review

Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold (1995)

Directed by Fred Olen Ray
Writing credits Steve Armogida

J.J. North .... Angel Grace
Ted Monte .... Wilson
Raelyn Saalman .... Inga
Tammy Parks .... Betty
Tim Abell .... Mark
Jay Richardson .... Bob Gordon
Michelle Bauer .... Dr. Joyce Mann
Nikki Fritz .... Rosita

Before renting "Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold", I only had one thought on my mind: If this movie doesn't have a giant topless woman, it will be an absolute failure. I'm pleased to tell you that there are giant naked breasts in this film. Thank God for that. I think we can all agree that that's a good thing. In the case of this movie, it was a very necessary thing.

So three hot babes are competing for Centerfold of the Year. The competition rolls over to the publisher's beach mansion. He has Nikki Fritz as his loyal girlfriend/servant. He must be doing something right. It's up to him to choose the Centerfold. The ladies get catty with each other and scheme to win. One of the babes starts drinking a beauty enhancement potion that has a nasty side effect. It makes you huge! Soon there will be a giant blonde moping about the beach while the publisher warms to the idea of a monstrous blonde as his centerfold. The other ladies cry foul and scheme some more…

Lots of topless women. Bad jokes. A giant naked blonde. "Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold" has many pleasing B-movie elements. I was amused. The writing was actually pretty good on this one. I laughed a few times. The only thing missing from this movie was some centerfold attacking action. The giant centerfold really didn't attack anything. She was more into feeling sorry for her giant self. I was hoping to see a scene where the topless giant steps on some cars and topples a few buildings. "Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold" had a 60 foot centerfold but there was no attack. Oh well. I'd rather have the giant woman anyway.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 giant centerfolds

1 comment:

Michael Whiteacre said...

Oh yes, I was on the set of this one too. I wrote a cover story on it for Femme Fatales magazine, and I ended up being in the Hollywood Blvd. crowd scenes.