Saturday, June 17, 2006

"Sasquatch" review

Sasquatch (2002)
AKA The Untold

Directed by Jonas Quastel
Writing credits Chris Lanning Jonas Quastel

Lance Henriksen.... Harlan Knowles
Andrea Roth.... Marla Lawson
Russell Ferrier.... Clayton Tyne
Philip Granger.... Winston Burg

A bunch of people go out into the woods to look for a crashed plane. They argue. They talk. They blackmail. Mostly they talk. The Sasquatch watches all this, scratches his ape head and does nothing. He's a dim-witted Sasquatch. Soon he decides to attack but only after most of the movie has gone by. The viewer screams foul.

First off, the monster on the video box looked nothing like the beast that finally appeared. The box had a vicious looking monster with long fangs and sharp, pointed ears. The movie had a balding ape man who looked like a Hawaiian belly dancer.

The Sasquatch also had the ability to see things just like the Predator. Only instead of seeing things that light up if they are warm blooded, Sasquatch had the ability to see anything in bright white light. One scene has him staring at the main guy and the guy's entire body lights up white, especially his pants. Why is the Sasquatch seeing things in blinding white light? Do the guy's pants give off a scent that induces brightness? What advantage does this give him in nature? Are his eyes headlights? Does he blind deer with his eyes when attacking?

Besides "Predator", another movie "Sasquatch" rips off is "Blair Witch Project". The crew finds a camera in the crash site and on the tape the scared daughter tells her horror story while blubbering. It's the Blair Sasquatch! The scene dragged and dragged some more. While this scene was going on, the Sasquatch was attacking his first victim. And this was near the end of the flick!

So what kind of movie is this? It's not a horror flick. They wasted their Sasquatch. I think they were ashamed of him. It's kind of "The Edge" meets "Predator" meets "Blair Witch Project" meets my garbage can.

SCORE: 1 out of 4 squandered sasquatches

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