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Saturday, June 03, 2006

"The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful" review


The Good, The Bad and the Beautiful (2005)
AKA Bikini Round-Up

Directed by Fred Olen Ray

Alexandre Boisvert
Beverly Lynne
Jay Richardson
Nicole Sheridan
Evan Stone
Belinda Gavin

“The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful” is about sex, cowboys, ghosts and more sex. It must have been filmed back to back with “Bikini Chain Gang”. Both movies use the same cast and also film at some of the same locations. When I say back to back, I really mean they were filmed at the exact same time. There were probably two cameras running and the cast would sprint back and forth from the chain gang to the abandoned town.

So Nicole Sheridan inherits a ghost town. She also has the map to a lost diamond mine. Beverly Lynne and Nicole hop in the car to check it out. The dastardly Jay Richardson wants to take it from her. He sends his two goons to go get it. And there you have it. The rest of the movie gives everyone plenty of opportunity to get naked and have some ghost town sex. Everybody gets laid except for Jay Richardson. Poor Jay. The guy needs a break. He works hard in these flicks. He deserves something for being the best actor in the bunch. I’m not saying it should be explicit like a Beverly Lynne scene but he should get a little something.

Once again the best sex scene is with the two anonymous girls who are with Richardson. It’s the best, but in a way, it’s also the most annoying. So the two girls are kissing and licking each other on a couch. Sounds great doesn’t it? Well it is, except for the two idiots who are staring at them. This is one of the most annoying things in softcore: The dreaded “sense of humor”. Why do filmmakers think it’s hilarious to watch guys staring at the sex when the viewer has got it covered? Here’s some advice: Keep the camera on the women! Why do I need to tell you this?! Fast forward to minute 27 and watch the tears start falling by minute 27 and 40 seconds. They’ve interrupted a beautiful scene. I was crying.

Anyway, “The Good, The Bad and the Beautiful” is OK. I liked it a little better than “Bikini Chain Gang”. It’s pretty standard softcore stuff. Sheridan and Lynne have a couple of sex scenes and they’re all decent. It’s worth a look.

One last thing, I need to say a few words about Belinda Gavin. Now here’s a woman that intrigues me. She doesn’t look like a sex symbol and she’s got a voice that could scare you. But dang it, I like her! Yeah I said it. I like a woman who can ride a horse and then take Sheridan and Lynne to bed. Who the heck wouldn’t? To paraphrase a certain song, she may not be a 10 but I say she cleans up good. She’s here for the party.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 hard riding Belindas
The man, the myth, Jay Richardson. You wish you were as cool as him. Jay's Angels have the best sex scene in the movie. Right there where the big man is sitting. Wherever he sits, women go crazy.
Go Belinda go.

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