Saturday, June 17, 2006

"Blood Gnome" review

Blood Gnome (2004)

Directed by John Lechago

Writing credits John Lechago

Vinnie Bilancio.... Daniel (as Vincent Bilancio)
Melissa Pursley.... Divinity
Julie Strain.... BDSM Goddess
Massimo Avidano.... Dungeon Master
Spanky.... BDSM Slave
Madame Zelda.... Goth Girl
Zero.... Special Appearance (as The Porcelain Twinz)
Zen.... Special Appearance (as The Porcelain Twinz)

Ahh, "Blood Gnome". I needed you. I was going through a serious B-movie drought until I stuck this sucker in the VCR. I saw Julie Strain on the back of the video box and got excited. Although Strain didn't show up until the very end, (topless between two naked blonde twins - YEEEEAAHH!!), I still enjoyed my helping of Bloody Bondage Gnomes.

You see, the Blood Gnomes are little invisible monsters that feed on blood. So, if you were a bloodthirsty demon, where would you go to feed? The blood bank? The hospital? No, no. That's too easy. The Blood Gnomes like to get off while they're feeding. So the Blood Gnomes hang around the S&M crowd and wait for them to engage in "Bloodsport". So if someone gets sliced in a moment of S&M ecstasy, the Blood Gnomes are there to lap it up. Then they tear the rest of the body apart for the bloody cherry on top. Great!

"Blood Gnome" is just what the doctor ordered for B-movie withdrawal pains. It's cheap and tacky and looks like it was filmed over a long weekend but I loved it. One scene has the hero fighting the Gnomes and he kicks a Gnome right in his crotch. Then the Gnome drops to the floor howling and holding his Gnome nads. Thanks "Blood Gnome". I needed that.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 Zens and Zeros in Gnome bondage

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