Saturday, February 10, 2007

"Knight of the Peeper" review

Knight of the Peeper (2006)

Directed by Jose Sombra
Writing credits Claude Anders Dan Dare

Claude Anders.... Count DeMarco, the Knight
Tara Ashleigh
Dan Dare.... The Peeper
Anette Durucz
Niki Notarile
Heather Polamis
Tatiana Stone.... (as Tatianna Stone)

Rejoice future sleaze filmmakers! I have found proof that all you need to make a movie is a handful of naked women and a camcorder! It's called “Knight of the Peeper”. It is truly a shining example of bottom of the barrel, rotgut exploitation. Of course, this movie is from the same mavericks of cinema who inflicted “Apartment of Erotic Horror” on us so what the heck did I expect? Something good? Coherent? Watchable? I was expecting too much.

A perverted knight gets executed for being a sex fiend. He likes to take large bites out of female breasts. This doesn’t sit well with the law and the knight is dispatched to his grave. Meanwhile, in another movie taking place 1,000 or so years later, another pervert gets off on hurting women. He likes to peep on them as they strip. Then he takes a stocking and strangles them. These two weirdoes just have to meet.

Through a ridiculous series of events, the knight is resurrected in present day New York. Apparently there were a lot of knights buried in ancient New York. Who knew? It is very believable that a knight would rise from the dead in someone’s basement. Anyway, the knight gets back to business and starts torturing some more women. But first the ladies must dance! The knight wiggles his fingers and the naked puppets shake their bodies. Some other women get naked, the knight and the peeper stare at them and then the movie mercifully ends.

You know, part of me is sad that I have to bash a movie that is only trying to appeal to a guy like me. It would be wrong to call “Knight of the Peeper” a rip-off. The filmmakers tried their best to make a really sleazy movie that whack jobs like me would enjoy. However, the problem is very clear. “Knight of the Peeper” is not a movie. It’s a series of scenes of women taking off clothes and then badly acting their way through unconvincing death scenes.

I mean, seriously, how many times can you watch a women try on lingerie to awful music? And I’m not talking about Nikki Fritz caliber here. I’m talking about the filmmaker’s next door neighbor who really wanted to be in a movie. The only woman worth watching was Tatianna Stone. She does a little strip tease for the horny knight that was worth a little something. Other than that, you are bombarded by scene after scene of naked women stripping to canned music from Hell. It was torture.

Overall, “Knight of the Peeper” is not worth the time. I like watching large breasted women rub lotion on their breasts as much as the next guy but this was painful to watch. You know it’s bad when you can’t wait for the women to get killed just so she’ll stop trying on her stinking underwear! Pick one already! Enough is enough! Stop the soul scarring music! Stop the madness!

SCORE: 1 out of 4 tortured Tatiannas

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