Sunday, February 18, 2007

"Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet" review

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (2006)

Directed by Fred Olen Ray

Nicole Sheridan .... Kim Read
Christine Nguyen .... Danow
Alexandre Boisvert .... Gary
Brad Bartram .... Prof. Quatermass
Evan Stone .... Decker
Rebecca Love .... Queen Morganna
Syren .... Annie
Michelle Lay.... Audrey
Beverly Lynne.... Video sex girl (uncredited)

“Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet” tells the tale of bikini girls from the lost planet. It is another skin flick in a long line of skin flicks from your late night cable friend and mine, Nicholas Medina AKA Fred Olen Ray. Ray has now gotten into the groove with these movies. He is the undisputed master of B-movie economics. He cranks out two skin flicks for the price of one and a half. The same cast moves seamlessly from one movie to the next over the span of a week, (maybe two), and slams two flicks into the can and onto Skin-a-max before you can say hot naked chicks rule! This time the gang has made “Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet” along with “Ghost in a Teeny Bikini”. We’re definitely a much better society for these late night contributions to horny insomnia.

So two bikini-clad alien women, (Christine Nguyen and Syren), land on Earth to bring back some studly men to the frozen planet of Lesbiania. On Lesbiania, the women are ruled over by topless Queen Rebecca Love. Queen Love has tasked her two bikini explorers to bring the men back so they can help populate the planet with more lesbians! Nicole Sheridan is the horny college student who will help the bikini aliens fulfill their quest by getting men to assist them in their honorable cause.

Before the bikini babes embark on their mission of manly love, they review a video tape back on the mother ship for some guidance. What sexy Earth woman teaches them all about the ways of the bedroom? That’s right. Beverly Lynne steps in from another Fred Olen Ray movie and shows them how to do it. The bikini aliens also learn about female fashion sense from watching yet another Ray flick, “Bikini Airways”. Good to know his movies make it out there to the farthest reaches of the galaxy. So this scene teaches us that everything you need to know about life on Earth can be learned from watching Fred Olen Ray flicks. Was there any doubt?

I think we can now officially say that Fred Olen Ray has a serious bikini fetish. Most of his recent softcore adventures somehow find a way to be about horny women in bikinis. So remember, if you’re ever going to pitch him an idea for a movie, make sure that the word BIKINI is in the title. Like “BIKINI Girls from the Lost Planet 2” or “Busty BIKINI Cops”. Then of course there’s my favorite, “Nympho BIKINI Nurses vs. the BIKINI Biker Babes”. See what I did there? Two BIKINIS! Oh, and bring a couple of ladies dressed in bikini’s to dance behind you while the meeting is going on. Done deal.

Most of the sex scenes in “Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet” are good. Christine Nguyen makes a fine bikini alien. She ends up in most of the sex scenes and delivers in all of them. Nicole Sheridan looks good as always. She has two and a half sex scenes that usually end up with her on a desk or a table. Having sex on a bed is just too predictable for her. Syren also makes a good lesbian from outer space. The best sex scene in the movie had our two bikini aliens getting it on back at the spaceship before embarking on their dreaded “Sex with men” mission.

You know, for a movie about intergalactic lesbians, it’s strange that there was only one lesbian scene. Perhaps even peculiar. It’s also bizarre that Rebecca Love did not have any sex scenes. The Queen should have shown her subjects some royal loving when they made their way back to Planet Lesbiania. It would have been a sweet reward for the bikini aliens and for me as well.

“Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet” is one of Ray’s better bikini adventures. Its running time is shorter than most of his other flicks with very little room for non-bikini related plot but plenty of time for bikini sex. It’s worth a look.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 bikini girls

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