"Meg 2: The Trench" review

MEG 2: The Trench (2023)

Director: Ben Wheatley

Cast:

Jason Statham

Big Sharks

Meg 2 is what my dad and I used to call a Louie movie. Louie is the drunk marketing executive who’s been working at the studio for 40 years, survived every management purge because he knows. He knows what to say and do thanks to his keen insight into demographics combined with his endless Bloody Mary intake or gin and tonic or whatever else is available.

One fateful day Warner Brothers had a meeting in Burbank, the sun was shining that day I believe, when a room full of execs crowded around a table and were wringing their hands in abject terror. Not of the source material mind you, but terrified of losing their jobs. Louie was there as usual, sleeping it off in the corner, bottle of gin close by.

Warners wanted a sequel to Meg but didn’t know where to take the action. How can we top the original? After much debate they all looked to Louie and shouted. “Louie, what are we going to do with this Meg sequel!?”

Louie stumbled up and realized he had heard his name. He looked at the shark picture on the wall, realized he was in some sort of shark related movie meeting, and hit them with it. “How about three Megs and an octopus?”

“Louie you’re a genius!”

The staff in the meeting were elated as they realized their jobs were secured. They rushed to shake his hand, but Louie was already gone. His wisdom was needed elsewhere to whoever was sitting next to him at the nearest bar.   

Jason Statham is called upon to kill big sharks. The man knows no fear. Literally. He shows no fear at all in this movie. Giant shark in his face means nothing to Statham. He looks amused at the very idea that this shark thinks it’s going to eat him.

Theres a story here about a Trench and the creatures that live there. You’ll be surprised to know that (like every Jurassic Park movie) the monsters escape! But fear not, Statham is here and on top of things. I was not worried about his safety at any part of this film.

So let us pause and give thanks to Louie as he is solely responsible for Meg 2. This unsung hero gave the world the entertainment it needed. We needed more Megs. Cheers to you Louie. 

SCORE: 3 out of 4 Louies