Sunday, December 18, 2011

"A Serbian Film" review

A Serbian Film (2010)

Srdjan Todorovic ... Milos (as Srdan Todorovic)
Sergej Trifunovic ... Vukmir
Jelena Gavrilovic ... Marija
Slobodan Bestic ... Marko
Katarina Zutic ... Lejla

Milos has gotten out of the porn game. He's banged so many Serbian chicks his genitalia is in the Serbian sleaze hall of fame. But Milos doesn't have many other talents besides enthusiastic rutting so the porn world cries out for his return. His new sponsor is a big fan of Milos fornicating skills so he recruits him into making some high end porn for private collectors. What else can a horny Serbian do but say yes? The director wants the movie to be spontaneous in order to capture how Milos reacts to various warped and kinky situations. His first movie starts off in an abandoned orphanage and the kink kicks in from there. As the extent of his extreme exploitation and degradation reveals itself to Milos, he descends into Serbian porn madness.

"A Serbian Film" is designed to outrage. It is filled with scenes of sexual violence as only Serbia can deliver. Actually I'm not sure what being Serbian has to do with this movie other than it being a clever marketing gimmick. It may be trying to say that the country has gotten so depressed that it has to resort to extreme measures to make ends meet. But I seriously doubt the filmmakers care about the conditions in Serbia as far as their exploitation movie is concerned. It's more like a calling card for the director so the filmmaking world knows where to find him.

And it's a good calling card because "A Serbian Film" is an excellent exploitation movie. I was pleasantly surprised by the filmmaking quality of this nasty flick. Milos should know better than to agree to some weirdos porn fetish demands but the director knows what his customers want to see. So do the filmmakers as "A Serbian Film" shows how easily horror movies can have mass appeal across different countries.

Well, actually "A Serbian Film" will only appeal to horror fans and even then it would only be of interest to those who enjoy the more extreme type of horror. Milos starts down the path of destruction with some light S&M but eventually moves on to more bizarre forms of porn. Incest, snuff, rape and every other underground genre of porn is shown as Milos mind warps beyond repair.

"A Serbian Film" is a wild ride into the depths of porno hell. I had a lot of fun watching Milos bang his way to oblivion. While this movie won't appeal to everyone, it's definitely worth a look for horror fans looking for a new nasty thrill.

SCORE: 3 out of 4 Serbian sleazes

Sunday, December 11, 2011

"The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)" review

The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011)

Director: Tom Six
Writer: Tom Six

Laurence R. Harvey ... Martin
Ashlynn Yennie ... Miss Yennie
Maddi Black ... Candy
Kandace Caine... Karrie
Dominic Borrelli ... Paul

So I bought an Iphone4s this weekend. I didn't want to give up the Blackberry but I decided to take the plunge. Good Lord this device now controls me. I downloaded "Angry Birds" and "Plants vs Zombies" and spent most of the day enjoying the best four dollars I ever spent. It also has a woman's voice, (Siri), that tries to answer your questions. So you tell the phone, (Siri), "Find prostitutes", and it will show you an escort near you. Or ask "Find marijuana" and it will show you the closest cannabis clinic, (if you live in California). You can also ask it for the whereabouts of God and the meaning of life. Not to say that the Iphone knows everything but at least it's trying harder than your average phone. If your phone is not talking back to you, you're living in the Dark Ages.

Speaking of ignorant violence and decadence, I saw "The Human Centipede 2" the other day. I saw it back to back with "A Serbian Film". A sleaze movie double header to jump start my brain and punish my soul for its sins. Sloth is one of the seven deadly ones and I am guilty. But I hope to make amends by subjecting myself to some harsh cinema.

Martin is an obsessed horror fan. His particular obsession revolves around the first "Human Centipede" movie. He wishes to carry on the mad doctor's experiment in the real world. An experiment that will fully harness the power of the centipede by connecting many poor souls together to form a love train. But instead of holding hands, these people will be joined by giving each other a permanent rim job. So Martin rents a warehouse and proceeds to drag in various people in a quest to stitch them together. Everybody needs a hobby.

"Human Centipede 2" perfectly demonstrates the phrase "You get what you pay for". I paid to see a Human Centipede and I got a Human Centipede. I really can't fault the movie for delivering what it promised. But why? Why do I want to see people get their mouths sewn to someone's hole? What perverse beast lies in us that enjoys this wanton violence? Best not to think too much on this subject and just enjoy the waves of nauseating violence.

And be assured, nauseating it is. Although the true horror in "Human Centipede 2" was watching mammoth Martin trudge around in his underwear. That repulsed me more than the walking centipede of human toilets. Not much more but it was pretty scary.

The first "Human Centipede" was a pretty creepy movie that had fun with its perverse subject. "Human Centipede 2" is a punch to the gut splatter flick that cuts to the chase and gives you the gore you're looking for. So if you feel like the three-part centipede from the first movie just wasn't long enough for you, "Human Centipede 2" increases the body count to give you all of the bloody surgery and fecal splatter you could desire.

SCORE: 3 out of 4 human centipedes

Saturday, December 03, 2011

Ode to a blog

Hello again my blog. I've neglected you and I have no excuse for it. Actually I do but I won't bore you with the details. Suffice to say, there was turmoil and drama, tears and regrets. And then there was Thanksgiving. I've been off doing other things but I'm back now to show you the proper respect you deserve.

It wasn't until I noticed a little movie called "The Human Centipede 2" had come out that I realized how long I've been away from you. This was a film that deserves a response. I'm going to watch it tonight along with "A Serbian Film". A double feature to shock my dormant brain back from it's drunken stupor. Maybe end with a Julie Smith skin flick to ease over the rough edges.

Yes my blog, there will be blood tonight. And I'll tell you all about it. Until then, cheers.

SCORE: 4 out of 4 lost weekends