"Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros" review

Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros

Director: Fred Olen Ray

Christine Nguyen ... Dr. Jones
Heather Vandeven ... Evilla Cruella
Frankie Cullen ... Drago
Billy Chappell ... Mark X (as Tony Marino)
Rebecca Love ... Carol
Brynn Tyler ... Security guard
Jayden Cole ... Girl

So I've been very sick lately. I had to have emergency abdominal surgery. I won't go into the gory details but let's just say blood was spilled and guts were shifted around. I was laid low for about four weeks and am just now starting to come out of it. I had to practice walking again along with such important tasks as cooking for myself while wounded, (I can make some mean scrambled eggs now). As I started to emerge from my pain-filled Vicodin haze, I realized I needed some alternative medicine to help me crawl back to the land of the living. What doctor had the cure I so desperately craved?

It's with this mindset that I watched "Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros". Dr. Jones, (Christine Nguyen), just might be the doctor I've been looking for. Christine is a prolific performer in these late night sex movies and has been good to me in the past. I needed her healing powers now.

"Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros" is about Dr. Jones and her manic need to get naked. She is on a mission to find an idol or a temple or something. She starts the movie off in a maid's outfit which can only lead to sex. Sure enough, a blond security guard and Christine decide to consummate their five minute relationship on top of a desk. Later, Christine gets naked again as she takes a long shower in order to cool down from all of her carnal activities. Christine doesn't even have time to dry off before Special Agent Rebecca Love shows up for yet another lesbian scene. Then the movie goes through the standard softcore motions as all of the actors take turns switching partners until everyone is sexually satiated and Dr. Jones has saved the world.

Christine Nguyen deserves special mention for healing my pain in my darkest hours. Her first two lesbian scenes are the best in the movie and gave me hope when I was down. The first scene was good with plenty of kissing and breast licking. But it's the scene with Rebecca Love which really had a profound effect on me. I think Christine Nguyen may be as much of a breast lover as I am. Finally, Rebecca Love had a sex partner who appreciates her heaving breasts as much as I do. This scene was magical and I thank Dr. Jones for being such an enthusiastic performer.

"Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros" is a standard late night softcore movie. Fred Olen Ray and his band of co-conspirators have crafted yet another watchable flick. The first two sex scenes are the only ones worth mentioning as Dr. Jones makes sweet love to some beautiful women. The rest of the sex scenes go through the motions without causing too much excitement. So if you're up late one night and recovering from life saving surgery, Dr. Nguyen may be able to help you live again with her soothing bedside manner.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 Dr. Nguyens

"Sex, Secrets and Lies 2" review

Sex, Secrets and Lies 2 (2002)

AKA Wicked Temptations

Director: Eric Gibson
Writer: Thomas K. Nash

Monique Parent ... Samantha 'Sam' Sharpe (as Scarlet Johansing)
Keri Windsor ... Audrey Hunt / Marcy Snavely
Frank Harper ... Robert Lydekker (as Chip Albers)
Daniel Anderson ... Karl Ericcson (as Dan Anderson)
Tess Broussard ... Mary
T.J. Hart ... Laura Lydekker
Angelica Sin ... Cheryl Cross
Wanda Curtis ... Abby

Monique Parent is a hard nosed, hard bodied detective. She has been hired to find out who murdered a business man's wife. I think. Pretty sure that's what she was doing. She ends up in dangerous situations that only her beguiling female charm can get her out of. It seems like some nefarious types are trying to prevent her from having her usual amount of softcore sex. Monique's enemies are everywhere as they try to keep this late night thriller as monotonous as possible.

I rented "Sex Secrets and Lies 2" because I was under the (mistaken) impression that it was somehow related to the great softcore flick "Sex Secrets and Betrayals". (One of Nikki Fritz's hottest late night movies, a 4 out of 4 masterpiece. Check it out for softcore satisfaction.) But "Sex Secrets and Lies 2" is nowhere near the high quality of Fritz's movie. Oh, it has some secrets. And there are a few lies too. But the sex is lacking. And when I say lacking, I mean it was pathetic.

Good Lord. Were they actually trying to make a detective thriller? How dare Monique try to act? I can appreciate some professionalism in these movies but Monique should know better than to allow herself to remain fully clothed for any inordinate amount of time. She marches from crime scene to crime scene under the mistaken impression that anyone cares whether this case gets solved. The only burning question on my mind was whether or not there was going to be a sex scene between her and Keri Windsor.

There they were. Alone in a hotel room. Monique had a gun on her. She was telling Keri how the jig was up. The mood was right for some angry sex. But the filmmakers decided it would be more exciting if they kept their clothes on. I suppose they could argue that it would be "out of character" for Monique to just rip her blouse off and start making out with wanted fugitive Keri. But then I would counter that any character in a softcore movie that doesn't feel the need to have spontaneous sex is out of character.

So hopes were dashed. Hearts were broken. Tears fell on my remote control. "Sex Secrets and Lies 2" was stuffed into an envelope and sent on it's way to be never seen again. There are a few naked women to watch along the way but it's just not worth it. "Sex Secrets and Lies 2" can be skipped.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 hard bodied detectives

"Last House on the Beach" review

Last House on the Beach (1978)

AKA La settima donna

Director: Franco Prosperi
Writers: Ettore Sanzò Romano Migliorini Gianbattista Mussetto

Florinda Bolkan ... Sister Cristina
Ray Lovelock ... Aldo
Flavio Andreini ... Walter
Sherry Buchanan ... Lisa
Stefano Cedrati ... Nino
Laura Tanziani

Three psychotic cretins break into a house so that they can lay low for awhile. Their car broke down while they were escaping from a bank robbery and they need some time to regroup. Little did the thieves know that there are a half dozen Catholic school girls and their nun chaperone staying in the house. The men decide to take advantage of this classic exploitation movie setting and terrorize the innocent victims until they push the meek women to the breaking point.

I rented "Last House on the Beach" because it seemed to be another sleazy Italian exploitation movie. I've seen my fair share of the genre but had never heard of this movie before. It has all the elements necessary to make a nasty flick. It has the innocent schoolgirls, (with a crucifix over each bed so you know that they're pure). It has a nun, (one scene has the psychos stripping the nun out of her normal clothes so that she'll put on her official nun outfit. You can't be a nun without looking the part.) It has three rapists with raging libidos and no morals. Mix it all together and you have the makings of a sleazy time down by the beach.

But "Last House on the Beach" turns out to be relatively tame when compared to the harsher entries in this particular genre. There's a reason I've never heard of it. I was hoping to be surprised by a hidden gem but it turns out the filmmakers just didn't have the heart to go all the way with their exploitation premise.

Somehow the filmmakers manage to tone down every sleazy scene just when it should be getting rougher. We know that the psychos won't manage to keep their hands off of their captives. We are expecting to see scenes of horror unfold for these hostages. But the filmmakers cannot bring themselves to show any outrageous exploitation scenes. None of the violent scenes are memorable and any nudity shown is brief.

Although "Last House on the Beach" does have a few nasty moments, they are brief and quickly forgotten. If you're looking for a harsh exploitation movie where people are held against their will, check out "The House on the Edge of the Park". It remains the gold standard for this particular genre. "Last House on the Beach" is just not sleazy enough to warrant a viewing. Some scenes start strong but then the filmmakers decide to let the violence happen off camera. Exploitation movies should never have the violence happening off camera. Tasteful decisions are fatal for exploitation movies. "Last House on the Beach" can be skipped.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 Catholic high school girls in trouble

"Busty Cops and the Jewel of Denial" review

Busty Cops and the Jewel of Denial (2010)

Director: Jim Wynorski
Writers: Chris De Christopher, Mark Weiler

Nikki Jayne ... Busty Cop
Tory Lane ... Busty Cop
Kaylani Lei ... Other
Amy Reid ... Busty Cop

The Busty Cops are back in action. This time they have to help the quaint, humble island natives who are in danger of losing their sacred statue of perpetual orgasms. They fly to Hawaii so that they can have as much sex as possible before solving the case. The Busty Cops manage to get naked with every person they find and still have the stamina to tell outrageously terrible jokes. It all ends in complete debauchery as the busty cops have copious amounts of sex on the beach while various dirty blondes dance and fornicate to celebrate their carnal exploits.

The frequent flyer miles were stacking up on Wynorksi's credit card so it was time to make another "Busty Cops" movie. He flew the cast out, (economy class), and told them to do something interesting whenever it seemed like the camera was rolling. Wynorski was too busy chugging Mai Tai's and Pina Colada's to care. The men in this movie are most likely Wynorski's drinking buddies. They had to pay their own travel expenses but were compensated with sex scenes and all the Macadamia nuts they could eat. Actually, it makes a pretty good argument for being his drinking buddy.

So the Busty Cops are back but Wynorski forgot to bring along his best one. Where is Nikki Nova? She captures the voluptuous essence of being a Busty Cop but she is nowhere in sight. In fact, with the exception of Tory Lane, this is definitely the B-team of Busty Cops. None of these women are memorable. It is one anonymous blonde after another having softcore sex in the sand until Wynorski wakes up long enough to get them to stop.

But Wynorski manages to do a few things right and one of them was bringing along Tory Lane to romp in the sand. She is amazing. Tory Lane saves this movie from oblivion. She has a pretty nice three-way scene at the beginning of the movie with her fellow busty cops which starts things off on a positive note. She also ends up having sex with most everyone else in the movie. She is all about high energy sex and she delivers the softcore thrills.

So if you enjoy seeing clips from Wynorski's beach vacation masquerading as late night cinema, "Busty Cops and the Jewel of Denial" is the visual stimulation you seek. For those who can't get enough of watching naked women roll around in the sand, you have found nirvana. And for those who get turned on by watching women rub chocolate sauce on each other, (why Wynorksi why?!), then this film will excite you. As for me, I found it better than staring at the ceiling so it served its purpose. There were plenty of naked women and there was no plot to distract me. And as for Officer Tory Lane, for bravery in the face of Wynorksi duty, I salute you.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 busty cops

Officer Lane.

Hustler Hollywood night

I have been recovering from work related, (and vacation related), activities lately and needed something to jump start me back to the land of the living. When I heard about the Hustler Hollywood night at the Whisky a Go Go on Sunset, I knew this was the proverbial shot in the arm I needed. There was a benefit going on and I was glad to do my part. I believe the theme of the night was "Keep Porn Alive". Or at least legal. So my friend and I wandered into the Whisky and I got myself a beer to see what was going on with the porn stars. Hustler Hollywood was serving up a mixture of porn publicity, sex toy demonstration and alcohol. A strong combination to be sure. MILF extraordinaire Nina Hartley got on stage to show us all that a lifetime of porn movies doesn't warp you into a mindless sex zombie. She says she's been in "the industry" for 25 plus years. My friends, that's a lot of sex. So she knows what she's saying when she laments the attacks on her industry by various state and federal prosecutors around the country. After Nina left the stage the evening took a less serious turn as the porn stars took the stage to promote their products. First up was Girlfriend's films, an all lesbian porn outfit. They all got on stage and talked about the beauty of hot girl/girl action. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. Or was I the only one listening? Then they showed a collection of scenes from their latest lesbian flicks.

You haven't lived until you've watched porn stars watch themselves have sex. It was magical.

Next up was Alektra Blue showing us all the latest in anal sex technology.I think there is a motor in the front or something. The men were talking about it so I wasn't really listening. But Alektra seemed to like it.
Alektra decided to spread the love around and grabbed the co-host of the evening, (a reality TV personality), for a hands-on demonstration.She enjoyed herself. The Wicked Girls joined Alektra Blue on stage to promote their latest big budget porn flick.They all got a chance to say a few scripted words about the motorcycle sex movie they were promoting.

But how does one become a Wicked Girl? Is there some sort of screening process? Is there anything the Wicked Girls have in common, (besides being hot?). What makes one porn star Wicked-worthy and others not? Do the girls all get along or are they all just too wicked?

We may never know all the answers but the studio system is alive and well in the Valley.

After the porn movie promotion was over, it was time to have an orgasm contest. Four, (or was it five?) ladies got onstage to show us how they fake their orgasms.
Porn star Belladonna, (who apparently had just shaved her head. On a side note, I used to have a thing for Sinead O' Connor so this was kind of working for me), was one of the judges. She is an expert in this field and did not cut anybody any slack.

The first contestant needed some visual help to get her juices flowing. The host was happy to oblige.
The next contestant didn't want to fake her orgasm as she dropped to the floor an subsequently dropped her pants and rubbed one out for all to see.
She was very naughty. But this is what happens when you get a room full of exhibitionists together. Add in some horny guys with cameras and you have the recipe for mayhem. Then we were treated to another contest. This time, "Top Blowjob on a Penis shaped candy stick" was on the line. The naughty contestant from the screaming O contest jumped right into the candy shaft licking contest.It was very suggestive. She seemed to know what she was doing. I was impressed.

But then Belladonna got involved in the contest and she turned up the heat. The candy didn't stand a chance.I left the Whisky soon after this oral display. I knew I had just witnessed the peak of the evening and wanted to leave on a high note. After saying a few goodbyes, my friend and I wandered down to the Rainbow Bar and Grill for some fried cheese goodness. But it was Belladonna's shaved head bouncing on a candy dong that kept running through my mind. She was the winner this evening. Well, actually we all were.

"Attack Girls' Swim Team versus the Undead" review

Attack Girls' Swim Team versus the Undead (2007)

AKA Joshikyôei hanrangun

Director: Kôji Kawano
Writer: Satoshi Ôwada

Sasa Handa ... Aki
Yuria Hidaka ... Sayaka
Ayumu Tokitô ... Mariko
Mizuka Arai
Hiromitsu Kiba
Hidetomo Nishida

The girl's swim team is in trouble. They're the only ones not affected by the hideous zombie plague raging through the school. Luckily for them, chlorine is the only antidote to the virus. As the rest of the school turns into the undead, new girl Aki, (Sasa Handa), and her new girlfriend, (and possible twin), have a long lesbian encounter in the kitchen. When body parts are flying all around you, only sapphic delights can put your mind at ease. After their prolonged lovemaking session is over, they get back to the business of killing zombie school girls. It all ends with startling revelations of mad scientists, secret assassins and flutes that drive women to orgasm. Somehow, it all makes sense in the end.

Well, actually it doesn't. "Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead" is just as disjointed and incoherent as its title suggests. Hot babe Sasa joins the swim team and zombies attack. That sums up everything you need to know about this movie. The only other thing to know is that Sasa is naked throughout most of the movie and has a great lesbian scene in the school kitchen. She is the highlight of this movie.

That's not to say there aren't other cheap thrills to be had. There is plenty of blood and guts as zombies flail about in hopes of dismembering the swim team. Actually the swim team really doesn't do much to stop the zombie horde. They get slaughtered fairly quickly which leaves it up to Sasa to lay waste to her infected schoolmates. It's later revealed that Sasa is actually a crazed assassin and that a mad scientist has repeatedly seduced her with his magic flute. If you need more clarity on that last sentence, I can assure you that you will derive no joy out of watching "Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead".

So if you're the kind of undiscriminating "lesbian school girls meet zombie plague started by a horny mad scientist with a magic flute" movie lover like I am, you'll probably find something to enjoy in "Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead". Sasa is hot enough, (and naked enough), to make up for a lot of the nonsensical madness on display. And have I mentioned the lesbian love scene in the kitchen? Sasaaaaaaa...

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 attack girls' swim teams

Sasaaaaaaa..

"Pets" review

Pets (1974)

Director: Raphael Nussbaum
Writers: Raphael Nussbaum

Ed Bishop ... Victor Stackman
Joan Blackman ... Geraldine Mills
Candice Rialson ... Bonnie (as Candy Rialson)
Teri Guzman ... Pat (as Teri Guzmán)
Brett Parker ... Dan Daubrey
Matt Green ... Ron the Burglar
Mike Cartel ... Bonnie's Brother
K.T. Stevens ... Mrs. Daubrey

Bonnie, (Candy Rialson), is being dominated. Her brother tries to control her but she breaks away from him so she can set off on her California adventure. While walking on the beach, she runs into a black woman who shows her the art of hustling old white guys. They rob and humiliate him but Candy is nice enough to give her mark some post larceny sex. Bonnie moves on from hustling and into the loving arms of a lesbian painter. Bonnie agrees to be a model for Geraldine and eventually becomes her lover. Geraldine wants to control Bonnie in every aspect of her life but she doesn't want to be dominated. Exasperated, Bonnie sneaks a man in to have sex with but Geraldine takes offense to this and blows the man away. Bonnie doesn't appreciate her lovers being murdered and hits the road again. This time she falls for the charms of a depraved art collector who wants to break Bonnie's will. He wants to make her his pet. Bonnie is kept in a cage with the other animals in his collection but it won't be long before he finds out that Bonnie can't be broken.

"Pets" is a very interesting movie. It's basically a sexploitation movie but it's clearly trying to be a little more than that. I bought the DVD because I thought it was going to be a Candy Rialson B-movie sadomasochism showcase. But "Pets" is more interested in exploring themes of domination and submission rather than any sort of sleazy scenes of whips and leather. Although there's a few of those scenes in here as well.

"Pets" is impossible to describe without giving away the whole movie. It's broken down into three parts. The first has Bonnie dominating and taunting the old guy on a hill while her partner in crime ransacks his house. The second act has Bonnie being dominated by her older lesbian lover. The last part has Bonnie being caught in a a sadomasochistic web by a freak with his own private zoo. It's this last part of the movie that the filmmakers have advertised as their main sleaze selling point. As you can see, it worked on me.

But the real selling point of "Pets" is Candy Rialson. She is the ultimate California blonde. "Pets" would not be as much fun to watch without her in it. The movie follows her Malibu adventures as she goes from one dominating situation to the next. Candy is frequently naked in the movie and each scene is a treasure. It's easy to see why everyone Candy meets wants to control her.

So if you need some 70's sexploitation in your life, "Pets" is worth watching. As an added bonus, the movie is presented in horrible shape but that only adds to its sleazy charm. A warning at the beginning of the DVD assures the viewer that this was the best copy of the movie they could get but to not let that stop you from enjoying it. I just wish I had a time machine so I could have watched this in a 70's Times Square theater with some fellow B-movie fans. That feels like the right decrepit environment to get the most out of watching "Pets".

SCORE: 3 out of 4 Candy pets

Candy Candy Candy. I can't let you go.

"The Horseman" review

The Horseman (2008)

Director: Steven Kastrissios
Writer: Steven Kastrissios

Peter Marshall... Christian
Caroline Marohasy... Alice
Brad McMurray... Derek
Jack Henry ... Finn
Evert McQueen ... Jim
Christopher Sommers ... Pauly
Bryan Probets ... Walters
Steve Tandy ... Devlin
Chris Betts ... Hilton
Damon Gibson ... Chuck
Hannah Levien ... Jesse
Robyn Moore ... Irene

"The Horseman" is the story of one man's war against amateur pornography. Christian's daughter has gotten mixed up in drugs and gang bang porn. Her budding film career is cut short when she overdoses after a porn movie shoot. Christian can't stand the idea that his daughter was anything other than the sweet little girl he remembers so he must kill every dirtbag that disparages his memories with the truth. He works his way up the scum ladder, maiming and killing all who oppose his cherished memories of his virginal daughter. Many men will die for exploiting the wrong girl. The Horseman is bringing about a porno apocalypse.

How far will we go to remember people the way we want to? Throughout the movie, Christian keeps fixating on his memories of his daughter as a little girl. This sweet, innocent memory of her childhood is what keeps him alive. When scum try to tarnish his beloved memory, he has no choice but to go on a murderous rampage so his soul can live. Along his path of destruction, he meets a young runaway who briefly calms down his bloodlust. His peaceful moment of humanity is soon taken from him as the pornographers track him down with their own ideas of revenge. More torture and mayhem follow.

"The Horseman" is a pretty good revenge movie. I enjoyed it. I always like seeing unstable men do unspeakable acts in the name of revenge and "The Horseman" certainly delivers. Christian becomes unhinged after watching a porno tape with his daughter in it. He vows to track down anyone associated with the filth and make them pay. Although everyone Christian runs into insists that they're innocent since she willingly came to them, their argument falls on deaf ears as Christian is too busy beating them senseless to listen. But this is what happens when you watch your dead daughter bang her way through "Young City Sluts II". It would drive any father mad.

So if you're looking for a movie where death and mayhem await exploitative pornographers, "The Horseman" is the movie for you. It is a moving film about the lengths a man will go to in order to keep the father/daughter bond healthy even after death. Sometimes you have to kill porn performers, producers and directors to get the cathartic release you need. "The Horseman" is filled with scenes of bloody revenge and it makes for a fine viewing experience.

SCORE: 3 out of 4 horsemen

And I looked, and behold a pale exterminator can: and his name that sprayed it was Death. and Hell followed with him.

"Popatopolis" review

Popatopolis (2009)

Director: Clay Westervelt
Writer: Clay Westervelt

Jim Wynorski

Julie K. Smith
Julie Strain
Monique Parent
Glori-Anne Gilbert
Antonia Dorian
Roger Corman
Andy Sidaris

Stormy Daniels

So I was in a strip club in the San Gabriel Valley when Stormy Daniels strutted in. She was the feature performer that night and you could get your picture taken with her for $20. Who was I to deny myself this pleasure? Also, I had just reviewed "The Witches of Breastwick" and I wanted to talk to her about the movie. Stormy was very open and honest with me about the making of this softcore flick. She told me she got paid $800. For comparison, she told me she gets paid $8,000 to direct a hardcore flick. I asked her about her Co-stars and she said that Glori-Anne Gilbert was a very sweet girl. I asked her why she thought Wynorski put her in the movie since I didn't perceive any charisma in Glori-Anne. She said that Glori-Anne was Wynorski's girlfriend. Ahh, it all makes sense now. She also talked about how Julie Smith was not happy that she was there and that Julie argued with Wynorski all the time. She also never received a DVD of the movie but she did get a VHS tape. It was an enlightening and pleasant conversation. Little did I know that four years later I would watch a documentary about the making of "Witches of Breastwick" which complemented my late night strip club conversation.

"Popatopolis" is a documentary about breasts, B-movies, porn stars, greed, and a man who epitomizes cut-throat filmmaking. I am referring to Jim Wynorski, the most prolific, (and shameless), B-movie maker working today. This documentary follows Wynorski as he goes through the motions of bringing his latest softcore flick, "The Witches of Breastwick", to life. But it's also about the rise and fall of Wynorski and how he has let himself get corrupted by the never ending checks flowing from the bottomless coffers of late night cable.

"Popatopolis" is a fascinating documentary. Speaking as a guy who has not only seen "Witches of Breastwick" but has sat through many Wynorski late night flicks, this documentary really pushed a button in me. I had an image in my head of the guy who cranked out "Breastford Wives", "The Hills have Thighs" and "Cleavagefield" and it was reinforced after watching Wynorski in action. Now I can safely say that Wynorski only cares about himself and his $65,000 check from Cinemax. There is nothing else in his life that matters. Making movies only irritates him as it slows down his ability to get paid.

"Popatopolis" starts off with Wynorski saying he's a big movie fan. He runs through his house showing off his video stashes in the kitchen and in the bedroom. The dichotomy of Wynorski as a movie fan and Wynorski as a director just doesn't make any sense. How can this guy profess to being a movie fan and still live with himself for cranking out some of the movies he's attached his name to? Has he not picked up any filmmaking techniques from watching countless films?

The only techniques Wynorski has picked up over the years is in the art of getting away with it. When Wynorski was working with Roger Corman, he actually made an effort to produce some quality B-movies. "Not of this Earth" and "Chopping Mall" were both fun B-movies. But left to his own devices, Wynorski just wants to get the annoying filmmaking process out of the way so that he can collect his money. Actors, actresses and the crew are only there to irritate him as he barks his way through the production.

"Popatpolis" shines a light on how much Wynorski cares, (very little), for the other people who make his movies possible. When the cast and crew arrive at the cabin for the shoot, they are surprised to find out that there are no amenities available. There are no towels or working can openers. Of course that doesn't matter since there's no food to eat anyway. I thought there was only going to be one bed to share and Wynorski was going to have all of the ladies pile onto his to save some space.

Speaking of ladies, the three babes in "Witches of Breastwick" are the topless muses that keep Wynorski's creative juices flowing. Julie Smith, Glori-Anne Gilbert and Stormy Daniels are the witches and they will pop their tops at Wynorski's command. Monique Parent also shows up at the destitute cabin and her top will be popped at some point during the shoot.

Julie Strain and Julie Smith, (Big and Little Julies), are given the chance to reflect on Wynorski and B-movies in general. Both of them seem a little melancholy over the state of the industry and how Wynorski has changed over the years. Big Julie can not even bring herself to refer to what Wynorski is filming these days as B-movies. She has to call them C-movies. Both of them seem slightly offended, (especially little Julie), that porn stars are now able to get into B-movies. Julie Smith has been working with Wynorski for awhile and even though she tries to defend him, it can't be denied that Wynorski's lust for profit means less interesting B-films and more mindless softcore sex flicks. Of course when Julie Smith shows up in one of Wynorski's softcore movies, I'm not complaining.

One of the most fascinating aspects of this documentary is watching Wynorski's directing style (or lack thereof). In one protracted scene, he tortures Julie Smith until she gets a line about a tow truck right. He makes her repeat the line over and over until she reads it exactly as written. Torturing his one good actress interests him and yet in other scenes Wynorski show no directing interest at all. There's another scene where Stormy, Monique and Glori-Anne are in a hot tub and Wynorski doesn't do anything to move the scene forward except sit on his rear end while the girls go at it. If these are the money shots in the flick, why isn't Wynorski offering any advice on how to make the scene better? This one scene, (and Stormy's sex scene against the tree), clearly illustrate how much Wynorski cares, (very little), about sex scenes. They seem to bore him so he just lets them play out naturally. It's up to the performers to improvise their way through them as Wynorski takes a nap and dreams of his paycheck.

"Popatopolis" highlights the real tragedy of Jim Wynorski. If Wynorski was just some guy using a fake name to film fake sex, no one would care about him. There wouldn't be a documentary about him. People who he's berated and screamed at for years would not be sticking up for him if there wasn't at least something there to like. B-movie fans can only bring themselves to praise the movies he made in the late 80's to mid-90's because every movie since then has been a rush job to get in the hands of his masters at Cinemax. He's an ambitious guy who has a manic need to make films but he can't seem to bring himself to expend too much energy to make the movies really enjoyable. We've seen him make good movies in the past and we know he has the skill to do it but his lust for more money overrides any and all other filmmaking needs.

"Popatopolis" is the best movie Wynorski has been associated with in fifteen years. It's a documentary that should be seen by B-movie fans. It is an honest look at Jim Wynorski and his mercenary filmmaking style. It may also scare you away from the B-movie world after seeing the utter lack of glamour associated with it's unrelenting production schedule. "Popatopolis" won't endear people to Wynorski but it does help to understand the mindset of a rapid fire filmmaker.

SCORE: 3.5 out of 4 Wynorskis in action

Wynorski gives the number one lesson in B-movie making: Pop that top.

"Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead" review

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009)

Director: Declan O'Brien
Writers: Connor James Delaney Alan B. McElroy

Tom Frederic ... Nate
Janet Montgomery ... Alex
Gil Kolirin ... Floyd
Christian Contreras ... Willy
Jake Curran ... Crawford
Tom McKay ... Brandon
Chucky Venice ... Walter (as Chucky Venn)
Tamer Hassan ... Chavez
Jack Gordon ... Trey
Louise Cliffe ... Sophie
Charley Speed ... Brent
Borislav Petrov ... Three Toes

A bunch of teens are going kayaking, getting topless and smoking dope. Their revelry is interrupted by a mutant cannibal with a bow and arrows. Of course it is. Just when you thought the movie was over, our attention is diverted to a prison where there will be a high risk transfer of their most dangerous prisoners. On the way through the backwoods, the hillbilly freak attacks the prison bus and makes it fall down a hill. The prisoners have taken a Wrong Turn. Well, not really a turn so much as a Wrong Roll. The rest of the movie has the guards and prisoners debating survival tactics and money management as the hillbilly cannibal picks their bones clean.

"Wrong Turn 3" is a corporate exploitation movie. It is a ruthlessly efficient vehicle for blood, guts and multiple dismemberment scenes. It's pretty much an hour and a half of pure violence. It also doesn't have anything to do with the previous "Wrong Turn" movies. Well, there are people running through the woods from a hideous hillbilly but Eliza Dusku wasn't one of them so it wasn't as interesting. I saw the first "Wrong Turn", (and loved it), but I didn't see the sequel. It feels like this movie was made because the filmmakers had a script about convicts escaping through the woods and they weren't sure what to do with it.

But is there a right way to make a "Wrong Turn" movie? Is there only one way these films are supposed to play out? Why can't a "Wrong Turn" movie have convicts and prison guards getting slaughtered instead of the usual teens? Oh sure, I'd rather see a busload of sorority girls running from the freaks but you can't have everything.

Speaking as a sleazy exploitation fan, "Wrong Turn 3" has some enjoyable aspects. It is shameless gore entertainment. Body parts are hacked off regularly and there are plenty of scenes of torture as the hillbilly chops his way through his victims. What the movie lacks in imagination, it makes up for in blunt force trauma to the viewers head. The violence is unrelenting. Blood effects are let loose on a constant basis.

However, if you were a big fan of the original "Wrong Turn", you may despise this movie. Everything about "Wrong Turn 3" reeks of cheapness. From the dismal CGI effects to the rubbery masked mutant, the budget was not spent on making convincing special effects. They didn't have the funds for a whole clan of cannibals so they had to settle for one and a half maniacs. But the real exploitation at work here is on the goodwill associated with the "Wrong Turn" franchise. They took their convict action script and added a few scenes of a deformed backwoods freak to make it seem like a "Wrong Turn" movie. The slaughter scene at the beginning was probably added on later to at least give the illusion that the filmmakers actually watched the first two movies.

So if you're looking for a faithful sequel to the "Wrong Turn" movies, you'd be better off letting this one go. But if you're just looking for some mindless gore entertainment, "Wrong Turn 3" has some scenes worth watching. It's not trying to be a horror movie. It just wants to spend ninety minutes throttling you with scenes of blood and destruction. It's quite content to be a gory action movie. Whether it succeeds or not depends on how low your standards are.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 mutant hillbillies