"RoboGeisha" review

RoboGeisha (2009)

Director: Noboru Iguchi
Writer: Noboru Iguchi

Naoto Takenaka ... Kanai
Yoshihiro Nishimura ... Yakuza's Boss
Asami ... Onna Tengu 1
Takumi Saitô ... Hikaru Kageno
Cay Izumi ... Onna Tengu 2
Aya Kiguchi ... Yoshie Kasuga
Suzuki Matsuo ... Tetsuma Gotokuji
Yûya Matsuura ... Killed Man

Two sisters are competing to see who can be the best RoboGeisha. They catch the eye of a wealthy businessman who wants to mold them into top assassins for his company. He has dreams of destroying Japan and needs the RoboGeishas to strike when the establishment least expects it. RoboGeishas need to be equipped with the latest in killing technology so he tricks them out with the basic assassin necessities. You know, like acid breast milk, machine gun nipples, circular saws coming out of their mouths and throwing stars, (or shurikens), out of their butts. When the madmen who created the RoboGeishas, (the filmmakers), go even more insane, a castle sprouts robotic legs, girls turn into tanks, sisters argue and fight some more and where oh where was beer when I needed it?

"RoboGeisha" is a goofy movie about wacky things that would have been a lot more fun if I had been drinking heavily. Instead I foolishly decided to try to follow along with the plot and see where the RoboGeishas took me. It was a mistake. "RoboGeisha" is all about (cheap) visual stimulation. You must learn to love elements like throwing stars flying out of girls butts. If you try to figure out why they bothered to create an army of RoboGeishas and yet fall back on their secret castle robot weapon, you've thought too much. Nothing good can come out of being sober while watching this film.

But how much love can one have for weapons flying out of girls butts? I ask this question seriously. Once you've seen the Robobabes use all of their body parts for advanced weaponry purposes, what else does this movie have? Not much I'm afraid. Instead we are treated to a story of sibling rivalry that made me wish I was pounding beers instead of listening to them whine. The blood effects rely too heavily on CGI which diminishes any harsh effects the Robogore could inflict.

And yet, the movie does have weapons springing out of girls butts. That has to be worth a little something. While "RoboGeisha" is not nearly as much fun as it could be, (or thinks it is), it does make the effort to show us all of the fantastic machinery that can be employed out of a girls butt. I grew tired of watching an endless parade of Robo attacks and was hoping the movie would hurry up and end. But if I had a six pack of beer by my side, I might have grown to love the Robo anal assaults. But alas, I was sober and needed the Robobutts to put a cork in it.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 Robobutts

Robobreasts

RoboGeishas with Robobutts and Robobreasts.