Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"Tail Sting" review

Tail Sting (2001)

Director: Paul Wynne
Writers: Timothy Griffin Peter Soby Jr.

Laura Putney ... Dr. Jennifer Ryan
Robert Merrill ... Captain Jack Russell (Pilot) (as Christian Scott)
Shirly Brener ... Shannon
Gulshan Grover ... Yaffi
Tara Price ... Courtney
Jean Carol ... Flight Attendant Patti
Elizabeth Perry ... Jodie Shawback

My friend and I watched this one the other day. Giant scorpions are running amok on an airplane. They're being experimented on for some reason or another. A bunch of bad actors run around the plane as pathetic special effects snap at them with their rubber claws. There are various emergencies and sub plots that have nothing to do with scorpions but have everything to do with distracting you from thinking about all the time you're wasting watching this flick.

When "Tail Sting" was over, my friend and I discussed the merits of what we had just seen. It took about a minute before we came to an agreement. LANDFILL. Throw this garbage on the pile. Bash the foam scorpions over their muppet heads and toss them in. I'll rev up the bulldozer and bury them as deep as I can.

I don't think enough bad things can be said about this movie. Once again I expected too much from a B-movie. I wasn't expecting "Snakes on a Plane" but I was hoping there would be something amusing watching scorpions run around the cockpit. It would be tempting to call "Tail Sting" a comedy but that might imply I enjoyed it. "Tail Sting" is either trying to be a comedic take on monster movies or it is attempting to be as good as it can on its $500 budget. Either way, it was a disaster.

I'm not going to mince words here. "Tail Sting" is worthless. Why even attempt to make a monster movie when you know you can't possibly come close to making an entertaining film? The only way you could possibly like this movie is if you really love watching bad movies and get a laugh out of watching cheesy special effects in action. If that's your thing, you might get into "Tail Sting". As for me, I was in pain. Time to bury the muppet scorpions and move on.


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