Saturday, August 25, 2007

"Bloody Mallory" review

Bloody Mallory (2002)

Director: Julien Magnat
Writers: Stéphane Kazandjian Julien Magnat

Olivia Bonamy ... Mallory
Adrià Collado ... Père Carras
Jeffrey Ribier ... Vena Cava
Laurent Spielvogel ... Le pape
Valentina Vargas ... Lady Valentine

B-movies cannot serve two masters. You are either down with providing cheap thrills to a desperate audience or you walk away from the cameras and no one gets hurt. “Bloody Mallory” is trying to get you to believe that it’s a French version of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” but it’s just another bait and switch. The B-movie setting is just a smokescreen so that “Bloody Mallory” can spend it’s time bashing the Catholic Church and the Pope. The Pope gets kidnapped and Mallory and the misfits go after him. At one point, the Pope gets lectured for his stance against sodomy. As one transsexual character says to the Pope, “Give me sodomy or give me death.” It was then that I knew that the movie was lost in a haze of its own perceived cleverness. Mallory and friends did not want to kill demons taking over the world. They just wanted the Pope to know that he’s wrong for denying them sodomy. *Sigh* Will the rip-offs never end?

Of course, I wasn’t expecting much from “Bloody Mallory”. I just wanted to see if Mallory could waste demons while looking hot in her red leather outfit. Not asking too much I think. Well, apparently it was. Any action scene in “Bloody Mallory” is lacking as Mallory doesn’t make for a convincing action hero. The fight scenes are brief and unimaginative. I’m not sure how Mallory got her nickname but there isn’t much blood splatter in this flick either. Demons croak the second Mallory looks at them. Also, her team of slayers are some of the lamest losers ever to grace a demon killing film. From the little girl telepath to the leggy transsexual, I didn’t care about any of them. It’s not often I root for the monsters to win, but I would have been happy if they would have ripped and clawed their way through this team of rejects.

“Bloody Mallory” is a bust. It promises a B-movie bonanza with a French Buffy but stiffs us at every turn. It’s a sad day when one of the few things I can remember from a B-movie is a cry for more sodomy. Why would anyone think that the Pope is going to be positive on sodomy? More importantly, why does the subject even come up in a demon slaying flick? I can only hope that the tranny got laid. He/She’s cry for help has really touched me. Let tranny’s be tranny’s for God’s sake! Thank you “Bloody Mallory” for wasting my time. I mean, showing me that killing monsters is secondary to pleading for guilt-free sodomy!

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 misfit Mallorys

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