Saturday, November 19, 2005

"13th Child" review

13th Child (2002)

Directed byThomas Ashley
Steven Stockage

Cliff Robertson.... Mr. Shroud
Robert Guillaume....Riley
Lesley-Anne Down.... Dist. Atty. Murphy
Wesley Duncan.... Brandon Hunter

The filmmakers saw one too many "X-Files" episodes and decided to make a movie. So the authorities are worried about a possible Jersey Devil hanging out in their woods. They sic New Jersey's Agent Scully on it. She rolls out there and runs into a man who may know something. Then the movie shifts to the guy from "Benson" hanging out in a mental hospital. Then the movie shifts again as flashback after flashback sends the viewer into an epileptic fit. As soon as your brain starts to heal, the filmmakers finally reveal the Jersey Devil. Now your brain is primed to implode. Implode it shall.

This movie is a classic example of what I would refer to as a "Blender movie". They shot a lot of different scenes and then tried to glue them together in a futile attempt at a movie. In this case, it was impossible. So they took the scenes they had and shoved them into the blender. It's a mess.

As stinky as this movie is, I can still find two positive aspects of it: One, I learned a lot about New Jersey geography. Two, there is a topless scene. Not Agent Scully but some random topless girl. I'll take whatever I can get.

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