The Tomb (1986)
Director: Fred Olen Ray
Cameron Mitchell ... Dr. Howard Phillips
John Carradine ... Mr. Andoheb
Sybil Danning ... Jade
Susan Stokey ... Helen
Richard Hench ... David Manners
Michelle Bauer ... Nefratis
I rented this one from my terrible local video store. If you want older B-movies, you've got to dig deep. Why even bother to dig for some of these movies is a mystery. Case in point: "The Tomb". A fake Indiana Jones goes looking for treasure. He runs into Sybil Danning for five seconds and then ends up in Cairo. There he stumbles upon a mummy's tomb which has Michelle Bauer pouting her way through eternity. She follows the faux Dr. Jones to L.A. where many uninteresting things happen.
The first thing to know about "The Tomb" is that Sybil Danning is barely in the movie. I suppose like most B-movie fans I figured that even if the movie was bad, I knew Sybil Danning was there to save the day. I was wrong. Sybil Danning can't save it. There's no way she could have since she's in it for five minutes. I distinctly remember her being proudly displayed on the video box. What a shame. I was looking forward to watching this one too. Mummies, Sybil Danning, ancient curses, and Sybil Danning. Ripped off again. I'll never learn.
You'll be screaming for mercy after this one. Any scene without Sybil Danning is lame and terrible. And was she naked for her five minutes you ask? No way. If she was, I might have given the movie a break. If Michelle Bauer had gotten naked, I might have even vaguely enjoyed the movie. If Michelle Bauer and Sybil Danning had gotten naked together, I might have had an orgasm. But they didn't. So many chances to embrace pure exploitation but "The Tomb" blew them all.
Good Lord man. Is it too much to ask to make B-movies enjoyable? There is a lot of ways to overcome the limitations associated with a small budget. This movie just puttered along without a care in the world of being good. "The Tomb" is a stinker that needs to be left to rot.
SCORE: 1 out of 4 for five minutes of Sybil