Tuesday, June 01, 2010

"Vampz" review

Vampz (2004)

Director: Steve Lustgarten

Terrence Flack ... Sweet
Terrence Atkins
Lamik Blake ... Keith
Tawanna Browne
Chantal Lashon ... Cleo
Raymond Parker ... Fred
Serria Tawan ... Lillith

"Vampz" is about black vampire hookers. Three black beauties decide to open a massage parlor so that their prey will come knocking on their door. Their plan works perfectly as men show up at their lair and are promptly slaughtered. They'd be disemboweling horny tricks to this day if it weren't for those meddling vampire hunting cops. They're on the lookout for the cop's cheating wife who likes white guys and lesbian vampires. Basically anyone who's not her husband. Some women are so hard to please. It all ends in a showdown to the death with as much gore and violence as the filmmakers could afford.

Black vampire hookers. I like writing that. "Vampz" certainly seemed like the exploitation movie for me. I wasn't expecting much from it. Just some good times with the vampire hookers. That's all I wanted. While "Vampz" has some entertaining qualities, there is one simple fact about this movie which will doom it to obscurity forever. The vampire hookers do not get naked. You wouldn't think it would be possible to have sex wearing your lingerie but you'd be wrong. When you've lived as a vampire for thousands of years, you learn a thing or two.

It's a shame the filmmakers couldn't convince the vampire babes to drop their clothes as "Vampz" could have been a pretty decent B-movie. I'm shocked to tell you this, but "Vampz" wasn't terrible. It had some fun scenes, (including a brief lesbian kissing scene), it kept moving along and it provided as much blood and guts as a hundred bucks will buy you. But I knew when I saw these women that they were not going to fulfill their B-movie destiny and get naked. They were too attractive. They looked too good for this movie. There was no way the filmmakers could afford to pay these women to disrobe and still have twenty dollars left over for blood effects.

So the filmmakers decided to forgo the expense of having naked vampire hookers in their vampire hooker movie and instead spent their money on cheap gore effects. This was the wrong call. Especially considering one of the vampire babes was a Playboy Playmate, (Serria Tawan). I'm sure she would have been fine with being all the vampire hooker she could be. Why did they hold her back?

While "Vampz" has some fun scenes and beautiful women to look at, it doesn't need to be seen. Although I can give it some points for filming near where my friend used to live. "Vampz" seemed to have been filmed all over Los Feliz, Silver Lake and Hollywood Blvd. There's one scene near a Rite -Aid that was shot near New Hampshire and Hollywood. I used to go there all the time. But then the movie goes back to fully clothed vampire hookers and I lose interest.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 seductive black women

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