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Sunday, June 10, 2012

"Piranha 3DD" review

Piranha 3DD (2012)





The piranhas are back and they’re silly. A waterpark is being constructed for the sole purpose of letting killer fish swim down the water slide. The usual group of B-movie characters fumble around waiting for their chance to die. The fish do their best to eat as much human flesh before people figure out whether they should throw chlorine in the pool. But it’s near impossible to stop a prehistoric fish when he’s hungry. It’s almost as hard as stopping a B-movie producer when he sees a chance to make a quick buck off of suckers who like Piranha movies.


“Piranha 3-DD” filled me with hope when I saw the movie poster. I believed this was going to be a worthy sequel. The first piranha movie truly earned the horror movie praise, “Orgy of gore”. It was a fun movie filled with porn stars, blood and an Oscar worthy performance from Jerry O’Connell. Unfortunately, “Piranha 3-DD” did not apply any of the lessons learned from the first movie. Instead we are treated to a cut-rate piranha movie that should have gone straight to video. I didn’t think a piranha movie could sink any lower. I was wrong.


The filmmakers should be ashamed and embarrassed that they can’t even make a reasonable sequel to a piranha flick. Fish, boobs, blood. What is so hard to understand about this? Well, let me help you understand what went wrong. You see, in any monster movie that involves aquatic creatures, you have to find a reason to get the victims in the water. In the first movie, we have porn stars swimming naked in a lake full of killer fish. Brilliant. In this movie, we have dopes going down the water slide that get rubber fish thrown at them. Not as brilliant. Actually boneheaded. A waterpark? Seriously? Cheap, lazy and stupid. That pretty much accurately describes this movie.


But then again, is “Piranha 3-DD” any different from the hundreds of B-movies I’ve seen? Not really. As a sequel to a mainstream horror movie, it’s a piece of junk. But as a run of the mill B-flick, it’s pretty standard stuff. There are random shots of naked women running around the pool, a worthless Gary Busey cameo, and scenes of splashing and blood that inevitably happen when a school of CGI fish swarms your pool. I wanted a little more quality out of this sequel but I didn’t get it. I was so sure this movie poster wouldn’t lie to me. Oh well. There’s always “Piranha 3-DDD”. Triple the dollars. Triple the deception. Can’t wait.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 piranhas on vacation


Run away!


9 comments:

willy jerk-off said...

I want to bugger and tit-fuck ALL the incredible chicks in this movie.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Its also important to remember that no matter how supposedly mediocre this film is, its still infinitely better than anything the British film industry has ever produced.

willy jerk-off said...

I like the picture of the bird with her legs wide apart, i just wish the bird wasn`t wearing any knickers or bra ! ! !.

Tim said...

My thoughts exactly,
I also did a review (but its more a collection of thoughts really) here:
http://bmoviesreviews.blogspot.be/2012/10/piranha-3dd-2012.html

eddie lydecker said...

Dr. Gore, you`ve had 4 months rest, dont you think its time for a few reveiws of some classic cult-horror movies for Halloween ! ?

Dr. Gore said...

My God you're right. Maybe not classic cult movies but something needs to be done about this extended vacation. I'm pumping myself up now. Stay tuned to this channel.

Mighty Roxtard said...

Well, whatever you think of the movie, it spawned a really hysterical iPhone app where you get to send the piranhas around eating stuff. At least as entertaining as the movie, even though the girls keep their bikini tops on during the game....

Edgar Allen Poe said...

Once upon a midnite dreary, while i pondered weak and weary, suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. Tis` the 17 year-old version of Pauline Hickey from 1985 i muttered, so i let her in and buggered her senseless.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Almost a year Doc ! ! !, where the hell are ya` my old mate ?.