Thursday, July 30, 2009

"The Haunted Sea" review

The Haunted Sea (1997)

Directors: Dan Golden Daniel Patrick
Writer: Thomas McKelvey Cleaver

Krista Allen ... 2nd Mate Johnson
Don Stroud ... Chief Foster
Duane Whitaker ... Andy Delgado
Jeff Phillips ... Charlie Lane
James Brolin ... Captain Ramsey
Joanna Pacula ... 1st Mate Bergren

My friend and I watched this one the other day. A salvage boat stumbles upon a mysterious ship in the middle of the ocean. Crew members Krista Allen and Joanna Pacula board the boat to see if they can get into any trouble. They find a horde of Aztec treasure, which is guaranteed to cause them pain and anguish. Sure enough, the treasure turns out to be cursed. Somehow it turns one crew member, (not Krista Allen thank God), into a snake man/beast/cheap effect . The rest of the movie has the crew running for their lives down dark hallways from a spastic snake man.

The monster in this movie had an interesting way of charging his prey. He would first do a little dance shuffle. Then he would shake his arms back and forth and then charge. He looked like he was having an epileptic fit every time he saw someone. He was a dancing fool. My friend and I started singing "Shake Your Booty" every time we saw him. It was late and madness had started to set in. The dancing snake god wasn't helping me maintain my sanity.

"The Haunted Sea" is a typical B-movie. Cheap, lazy and stupid. Half the flick is taken up by stock footage of a presumably more interesting movie. The other half has the crew members wandering aimlessly around the boat until the snake god tackles them. The fight scenes were pathetic although the dancing snake god did have us laughing. I can give the movie some points for that.

The only thing positive to say about "The Haunted Sea" is that Krista Allen gets topless on a couple of occasions. She has a good shower scene to start the movie off and another topless scene where she is about to be sacrificed. Needless to say, these scenes saved the movie for me. Krista haunts my B-movie dreams. Well, that and dancing snake gods.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 haunted Kristas

1 comment:

the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

Thats a great picture of krista but i was just thinking joanna pacula was an incredibly hot chick as well when she was in her 20`s.