Wednesday, June 24, 2009

"The Bloody Ape" review

The Bloody Ape (1997)

Director: Keith J. Crocker
Writers: Keith J. Crocker George Reis

Bob Ceislick ... Hippie
Christina Zuber Crocker ... Lady who has her car stolen by ape
Kevin Crocker ... Officer O' Flannery
Yalcin Cucyuksel ... Kapinsky
Domenique ... Rabbis Wife
Salvatore Finkel ... Rabbi Rabinowitz
Michelle Furnaux ... Gingers Roomate #1
Arlene Hansen ... Ginger
George Reis... LoBianco / Ape
Paul Richichi... Lampini

I was sent this DVD. Actually, I received a whole B-movie care package from the filmmakers of "The Bloody Ape". PR award of the year goes to Wild Eye for sending not only "The Bloody Ape", but "Gothkill" and "Blitzkreig: Escape from Stalag 69" as well. There were also some theater cards promoting various double features they ran in NYC along with some buttons. My friend's are proudly wearing those buttons now. And to top it all off the official barf bag for "Blitzkreig" was sent to me too. Now that's my kind of salesmanship. It makes me wish the old 42nd street was still around so I could have watched this triple feature the way nature intended. Surrounded by drunken degenerates who could cut my throat at any second is the only way to go.

Well, the old 42nd street is gone but the B-movie triple feature lives on! I can't go to Times Square to watch these films so I did the next best thing. I drove to Pasadena and basked in the glory that is the mighty shire. So with the help of two friends, (not quite drunken degenerates but close), we settled in to watch the triple feature. It was "Gothkill" followed by "The Bloody Ape" and then "Blitzkreig".

Carnival barker Lampini decides he's taken enough abuse from the various dolts in his life and unleashes his secret weapon on them. His pet gorilla is let off the leash and proceeds to attack anyone on Lampini's enemy list. His enemy list is long and thankfully includes a few naked women for the ape to molest. Soon a buffonish cop is on the trail of the mad gorilla but decides the case is too difficult to solve so he tries to dump the blame on an innocent black guy. Can anyone stop this banana addicted ape from continuing his simian rampage?

"The Bloody Ape" is a cheap knock-off of Poe's "Murders in the Rue Morgue". Actually, I don't think cheap is a strong enough word to describe this movie's production values. Rinky-dink comes to mind. Shoddy, mangy, two-bit, are all fine words to describe how much resources were expended to make this movie. It's filmed to look like it was made in the 70's but I doubt 70's drive-in movies looked this cruddy.

So if they didn't take the time to make the movie look good, what did they spend their money on? It wasn't the actors as the entire cast took bad acting to new lows. Although the guy playing the cop was hilariously bad. There was one scene where he yells out something like, "I'm trying to solve a murder here!", that had us laughing hysterically. We rewound that scene three or four times to savor every second of his horrible, hammy acting.

So a gorilla attacks a bunch of people as bad actors wander aimlessly around hoping something interesting happens. There were a few scenes where the ape paws at some naked women but it wasn't too thrilling. "The Bloody Ape" seemed like it was heading for the landfill until something brilliant happened.

In the middle of the gorillas rampage he attacks a woman and then gets in her car. He turns the car on and starts driving down the road! This scene had us laughing for a good five minutes. Seeing the gorilla cruise down the street with his arm out of the window is a classic B-movie moment that I will cherish. It's a unique scene as no other movie has dared have a scene where a gorilla goes for a joy ride.

So if you need a laugh or two watching a worn-out ape jack a car, "The Bloody Ape" could be seen once. Of course it's not a good movie but the gorilla's driving scene saves the day and it became the highlight of our triple movie marathon. We were now ready to move on from ape car thieves to SS camp exploitation.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 joy riding apes


the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

i just saw a clip of this on youtube, the scene with the chick in the shower being attacked by the ape, that chick had great tits and when the ape turned her around i thought he was going to bugger her, if that had happened it would have been breathtaking.

Dr. Gore ( said...

There was some ape loving going on but it wasn't the shower girl. There was another female who the gorilla went bananas for. The fur was flying.