MEG 2: The Trench (2023)
Director: Ben Wheatley
Cast:
Jason Statham
Big Sharks
Meg 2 is what my dad and I used to call a Louie
movie. Louie is the drunk marketing executive who’s been working at the studio
for 40 years, survived every management purge because he knows. He knows what
to say and do thanks to his keen insight into demographics combined with his endless
Bloody Mary intake or gin and tonic or whatever else is available.
One fateful day Warner Brothers
had a meeting in Burbank, the sun was shining that day I believe, when a room
full of execs crowded around a table and were wringing their hands in abject
terror. Not of the source material mind you, but terrified of losing their
jobs. Louie was there as usual, sleeping it off in the corner, bottle of gin
close by.
Warners wanted a sequel to Meg
but didn’t know where to take the action. How can we top the original? After much
debate they all looked to Louie and shouted. “Louie, what are we going to do
with this Meg sequel!?”
Louie stumbled up and realized he
had heard his name. He looked at the shark picture on the wall, realized he was
in some sort of shark related movie meeting, and hit them with it. “How about
three Megs and an octopus?”
“Louie you’re a genius!”
The staff in the meeting were
elated as they realized their jobs were secured. They rushed to shake his hand,
but Louie was already gone. His wisdom was needed elsewhere to whoever was
sitting next to him at the nearest bar.
Jason Statham is called upon to
kill big sharks. The man knows no fear. Literally. He shows no fear at all in
this movie. Giant shark in his face means nothing to Statham. He looks amused
at the very idea that this shark thinks it’s going to eat him.
Theres a story here about a Trench
and the creatures that live there. You’ll be surprised to know that (like
every Jurassic Park movie) the monsters escape! But fear not, Statham is here
and on top of things. I was not worried about his safety at any part of this
film.
So let us pause and give thanks
to Louie as he is solely responsible for Meg 2. This unsung hero gave
the world the entertainment it needed. We needed more Megs. Cheers to you Louie.
SCORE: 3 out of 4 Louies
